Ice Cold 7UP

It was a freezing cold morning at the home of the Mighty Malin but an earlier drive by pitch inspection confirmed the game was on. Upon closer inspection i.e. walking on it, not everyone was as confident but thankfully, after a lumbering on pitch warm up and nagging of the referee, the game kicked off on time.

There were two changes to the line up as old man MATTY and his bad back dropped to the bench, with BROWNY returning from the good ol' US of A straight into the starting 11 whilst LEE BENNETT got lost on his way back from work so token ginge DANNY HIRST came in on the right wing with SPY, despite his moans and groans, moving to full back.

The game started in much the same vein as it would continue for the full 90 with Malin in charge of the ball and the Magpies aimlessly chasing shadows. Right from the off, it was clear that NATH and MITCHELL had the beating of the oppositions "chunky" central midfield pairing and that was to prove the key.

One of the first chances came from a dubious back pass call by the referee which gave us an opportunity to take the lead from around 8 yards. After 15 minutes of arguing by the queer in the hair band, our first attempt at the kick was laid off to HIRSTY who slashed it wide. For some reason, we were given another go but this time we made a hash of it and the chance had gone.

After last week's double, DEE was looking in the mood again but rather than being a goal getter, he was looking to be goal provider. With us getting plenty of the ball we were able to find him in between the lines like a modern day Teddy Sheringham from where he was able to slide passes through to BROWNY. Unfortunately, unlike the famous SAS of Sheringham and Shearer, BROWNY was unable to find the back of the net with finishing less like Alan Shearer and more like Alan from Hangover.

As the front 6 were struggling to find the net, the defence had to step in to show how it was done. After last week's tap in, WEATH was on the hunt for more goals and, after earlier causing his marker to score an own goal (which the referee didn't give), the time had arrived to finally break the deadlock. A sumptuous delivery from GAV BENNETT was headed goalwards by MITCHELL but cleared by the men on the line. The clearance was poor and fell invitingly on the volley where it was clinically dispatched despite a desperate dive by a defender on the line. 1-0.

Unbelievably, that would be the only goal of a half well and truly dominated by MALIN. The team talk was positive but no one was taking anything for granted. Time to finish the job.

Once again, we took control of the game and despite a few long balls and counter attacks were pretty much attacking at will. The second goal came with another trademark passing move down the right which found it's way to DEE who slid it across for BROWNY to smash home from close range. The top scorer was back on the goal trail!

That goal seemed to break the Maggies once and for all. A short time later, we added a 3rd and 4th, both scored by the same man. Bored with setting everyone else up, DEE found some space in behind the defence and was put in by a delightful chip by resident duracell bunny MITCHELL. With his confidence flowing from last week's double, the ball was slotted home nicely with the outside of his foot. The 4th came in a role reversal where BROWNY picked up the ball on the left and crossed it perfectly for his strike partner to volley home from the edge of the box.

That was to be pretty much it for BROWNY who was given a rest after his recent jaunt and he was subbed for a revitalised MATTY, whose back seemed to get better with every goal we scored.

FERGIE may claim to have planned this all along but the substitution was inspired as MATTY went on to grab a quick fire hat trick. The first came from a tap in similar to the one scored by the man he replaced but I'm f*cked if I know who set it up. DEE can have that one. My brain seemed to have shut off at this point as the 6th goal was also a blur. I vaguely recall a shot from somewhere around 12 yards. GAV B told me he got an assist so that one must've had something to do with him.

With the game dead and buried, it would've been nice to claim a clean sheet but it wasn't to be. A rare defensive lapse was punished by the Beighton forward as a speculative low effort from 25 yards skipped off the slippy surface into the bottom corner.

Frustratingly, they managed to sneak another. An earlier chance from a corner was knocked way over the bar by their central midifielder but we didn't heed the warning as an almost carbon copy corner fell to the same guy who made no mistake this time.

That goal seemed to rouse us into a bit of a late burst as MATTY broke away and got his body between the defender and the ball. In typical amateur style, the defender left his brains at home and chose to steam in, only to bring down the forward in the box. MITCHELL edged his way towards the ball but there was to be no tantrums this time as MATTY pulled rank to claim his hat trick.

In a shock decision, Beighton chose not to give the Man of the Match award to Mr MOM MITCHELL but to their pal DEE. It's not what you know, it's who you know!! ;o)

Another big game this week against Southside. This is a MUST win.