In North Hykeham this year (and every year) it is the year of the Pig. A season of prosperity followed by an ancient ceremony where the Pig’s innards are emptied and the contents consumed at a 'Pig Night' in preparation for the coming season.

The Pig is the nearest thing that this club has to a deity. Treat the obese one with reverence and pay homage to him frequently. Lord Porky's favourite form of worship is for his disciples to feed him coins of the realm.

Approach him with shining coins or crisp notes, proffered towards him in your little trotters, feed him carefully without ever a touch on his person and be rewarded with a joyous grunt. He will be borne by honoured disciples’, they will offer instruction and advice on worship, which only the foolish will ignore.

The more you sin, the more chances you will have to become a favoured worshipper of the porcine expanse. No sin is too small to be noticed, all coins and notes are swill to him. He never suffers from regurgitation, once fed he stays that way.

Do not mess with the pig committee; they put a lot of time and energy into stripping you of your wages, grants, legacies or dole cheques. Always conform to the feeding instructions of the pig handler and do not ask for credit as refusal often offends. Watch out for the weekly Pig call for each game!

Happy Homage & Good Luck.
The Pig Committee