Sun 25
Motley Crew
Heartbreak for the bearded destroyer

Heartbreak for the bearded destroyer

By Mike Tedbury
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Tedbury so nearly the hat trick hero

It was like any other evening, dogs had been walked, evening meal cooked on the aga, a glass of chateau neuf du pape enjoyed. Ready for bed with his favourite superman pyjamas on. Head on the pillow and drifts off into lovely slumber. But it always started like this. That’s nightmares for you.

‘Look at these weeds’ shouted Gilly!’ You had one job!’
And so started the afternoon of Baboons home game against Motley Crew, their local opponents and fierce, albeit good natured, rivals.
Toss won, Baboons into bat.
Two Patchetts, Tom and Sean, Sherwood with his shirt on, Ellis, Storey and Oh so slow Brown was the bowling attack.
Welliwell and Sammy G the wand maestros to set up a target on a green seamer.
Bounce and seam it had in abundance and was well used by Motley’s.
Sammy went to a straight one, having looked comfortable for his 11, King Garry didn’t linger with a two-ball duck. Telliwell, suffering from lager blindness, lingered long enough to get off the mark. All whilst Welliwell quietly amassed an innings of care and watchfulness, leaving the swingers and seamers, punishing the slotters.
Enter nameless. You can tell by the way he uses his walk, he’s a womans man, no time to talk. His only consideration was staying alive, staying alive. So he did, trying his best to watch proceedings from the non-strikers end, letting Welly continue to amass.
With Jive Talking, leaving the stage for 9, Gilly entered, still chuntering about weeds, but happy to have passed on the scoring job to our youngest members. Dot, dot, dot, but he did his best, comedy running mix up aside, to enable the Welly.
Welly, wanging with wicked ferocity, finally fell to a Sean Patchett swinger for 88.
Ade sans casque, couldn’t speed the scoring either, as he and Gilly, who finished unbeaten, marvelled at Storey’s majesty of seam bowling and Browns pure venomous 4mph turners. He fell for 9.
Gurney finished the innings with a flurry of 3 runs to set the Motleys 158 to win.

Motleys innings.
The Crews two, looked watchful as Telliwell, still blind, opened with a maiden.
Ade sans casque took the ball form the other end.
No ball Six, dot, wide, four, wide, you get the idea. A most memorable over and one that surely couldn’t be surpassed. Is it sans casque having the night terrors after this over of beamers and sixes?
Not needing to indicate that he didn’t think it wise to give him another over, skipper turned to King Garry, then Sammy G, who where much improved, both finishing with identical figures.
King Garry adding a new delivery of the ‘slow effort ball’. He even used accompanying effort sounds! What a trickster he is. The trick being that it takes more effort to fetch from the carpark than it does to bowl it!
With The Crew cruising, skipper turned to his most experienced and inexperienced bowlers.
Olly Blake bowled beautifully, taking over from an excellent spell by Blind Tom, all Baboons rightly proud of the young man’s efforts.
Dr. Weeds however, was different gravy!
A tidy start of two tight overs and then carnage!
Motley still without loss, Weeds bowls his first grenade. Single.
Second incendiary, Snick, caught no name.
Sherwin with shirt, long on at the ready, trap set!
Yes! Blind Tom with a worldy dive, Daley like, to set up the hat trick.

Once in every lifetime, comes a chance like this. Skipper wasn’t fussed so he kept the field out, Tom Patch on strike. Loop, swing…….’he’s not got all of it, CATCH!!!!! Weeds jumping up and down like a little boy at Christmas ready to open his craft ale set from St. Nicholas.
It wasn’t to be, chance put down!
Weeds crumpled like a paper bag, crushed under the weight of El Presidente’s roller.
Weeds dreams in tatters, recurring nightmares, separate beds and hypnotherapy sessions to undo the mental anguish of a top level spinner.
Showing courage after wiping his tears, the next ball was expertly pouched by Welly to give Weeds a three wicket haul, a great anecdote and Tenna for men pants at beddy byes for the rest of his life because of his recurring nightmares.
The Crew triumphed, well done lads. Great friends enjoying sport.

Pitchero may say otherwise but this report has been a creation of Sir David Gilbert.

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Match date

Sun 25, Jul 2021