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On Sunday last, the OHRFC Vets gathered for their first fixture of the 2016-17 season. Not long in the planning, but plenty long in the tooth, the Vets turned out in extraordinary numbers to honour their dear friend Martin Baker.

But this was no ordinary Vets game...flying in from the far flung, exotic corners of the earth, as well as Scotland, and pitted on the morning against the might of CLOB, the other rugby institution that Bakes gave so much of himself and his time to.

Shortly after 1030am on Sun 4th Sept, the ‘1st XV changing room’ swelled with much not-so-recently-acquired timber and the banter and buffoonery flowed. No-one had remembered any Deep Heat, someone had forgotten their shorts, the shirts sizes were in letters not numbers, but eventually the team took merrily to the field to play their traditional brand of champagne rugby.

Unaccustomed as we were to taking to the field in white, we were briskly organised for photos under the posts, at which point the organisation ground to a halt, in the shape of a rugby ball, or lack thereof. Astoundingly for such a high grade sporting institution, there was not a plump ball or a ball pump in sight, so we kicked off with a bulging bladder of a thing, which Nathan Williams proceeded to hoof into the ‘stand’ (prickly bush) with his very first kick of the game. A welcome rest ensued, after what was probably at least 45 seconds of play and players of both sides watched both amused and bemused as a whoop of spectators challenged the old adage of ‘how many people does it take to pump up a rugby ball?’ On reflection Nath clearly took it upon himself to honour Bakes first up, trying as he was, to kick it into the road.

Nigel ‘Biffo’ Alexander, was honoured to be skipper for the day and made his first astute tactical manoeuvre, by having gifted the oppo 2 of our best players – Messrs Wood N and Carter J and although we begged him not to translate that into a triumvirate of talent, he gave them Clive too. Mr H, as he is known on the global nightclub circuit, came close to scoring early in the first half, sniffing the line as he does on nights out, but was shown the outside and indeed the door, with more of a handbag than a tackle, by one of the good-looking OH ‘young guns’.

And so eventually to some actual rugby…the first half was a rather one-sided affair, with the CLOB Vets pack retaining more ball from set pieces and Carter J providing the ballast up the middle and Wood N providing the mercurial skills out wide, to unlock the OH defence on 2 or 3 occasions. Most of the first half entertainment came from OH MAGS (Mates And Grandads) on the side lines and both sides took advantage of the rolling over subs rule, with Charles one of the first to roll over and depart, with what looked like a bent back, which will go nicely with his bent legs.

Also moonlighting for the opposition at outside half, was plucky Australian OH, Jason Smith. Early in the second half, the afore referenced cheeky convict, made 2 significant interventions in the game – one unintentionally comedic, the other quite telling on the outcome of the game, in the visitors’ favour. Stepping up to take a conversion, Smith was heard to utter to the ref “that no. 10 was tap dancing on my shins at that last ruck ref” and he implored him to ‘have a word with the offending number’. As the ref approached the OH rabble under the post, he was rather swiftly reminded that ‘everyone is no.10 today ref’ and so the incident passed without incident.

More telling on the outcome of the game were 2 delightful passages of play during which Smith fed his outside centre with a miss pass and he in turn hit a spwitely OH wunning down the wing, who pwomptly touched down in the corner. And a similar inside pass to an onwushing Whittaker, which saw him scythe through a non-existent OH defence to notch a bwace of twies. Whittaker knew he had been fortunate to steal a 10 yard start on Chariots O’Cressaway for the first of his scores, but the crowd was left tin no doubt when he opened his legs and showed his class for his second score….although both were unfortunately for CLOB. Hats off to the very same recently retired OH playing legend, who also corner-flagged and took out Baby Griff early in the second half, when it looked like OH were about to creep back into things.

Up front, the OH packed toiled manfully at set piece and around the base, employing a mixture of age (Mendoza, Beags and Biffo), weight (Parks, Gould and Fenner), experience (PantsOn – who it has to be said is not usually known for his line-out jumping and footwear modelling) and the use of their joker, rock ‘n roller Mr Timothy Man – taking to the field wearing a bandana and with severe cramp in his left hand from a ‘gig in Essex’ (euphemism) the night before. Standing out, or more running out of this crowd was most often seen Mr Dan Mitchell, who has not lost any of his aggression and passion for the magenta cause. Great to see.

Cameos came and went, in different positions and on both sides, as did some more scores….most of which I can’t actually remember, on account of being run over by Carter J a couple of times in the first half.

At the final whistle CLOB edged the contest 34-20 and all players and spectators gathered once again under the posts to mark the special day and remember our ‘dear boy’ Baker, one last time on the field.

Talk of an annual memorial fixture abounded at the lunch and in the bar afterwards, though votes were swiftly cast for assigning the fixture to a winter month, for the benefits of more forgiving ground. One last thing….whatever this fixture holds in future, is we will remember…

Baker Forever

S

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