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The 1-15 series - Kenny Parsons

The 1-15 series - Kenny Parsons

Sam Humphrey15 Jun 2020 - 08:03
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or as we shall call it, The Parsons Project.

If the Mods was Julius Caesar, he would be Brutus.

This week's 1-15 comes from a former Mod who is now playing his rugby on the wrong side of the tracks. But to be fair to Kenny Parsons, he was probably tempted by the lure of caviar and private helicopters (shout out to Rob Potts).

Anyway, enough talk of betrayal. Here is the man himself:

For my selection I’ve included a few players who may be a bit “left field”, just to add a little variety to proceedings. I also resisted the temptation to pick myself, which was extremely easy to do.

Without further ado, here are my all-time best Mods XV from my 3 or 4 seasons at the club:

1. Chewe Mulenga. I never knew what was going on in this lad’s head. I’m not sure Chewe did either. A really nice lad, so laid back he was horizontal and an absolute horror to stop when at pace, Chewe was a huge Zambian rock smashing through helpless tacklers. Clearly had no idea how to scrummage (I packed down behind him enough to confirm this), which matters not when you’ve just lifted the opposition hooker off his feet through sheer brute strength.

2. Scotty Robinson. The only question about Scotty is not whether he’s in the team, it’s where to place him. I saw this lad play any number of positions in his time; a real team player who would slot in wherever he was needed. Utter nuisance to the opposition, with a real turn of pace and always upbeat, which helped to lift the team at crucial times.

3. Richard Oddy. An estimated 94% of the time when I shared a field with Oddy consisted of him either complaining about something or trying to school the referee on some obscure aspect of the scrummaging laws. Despite these energy-sapping activities he was a rock at tighthead, frequently showing up far larger (and younger) props and helping to keep our scrum on top.

4. Dan Couves (Capt.) If Couves told me that this week’s game was away at Hell 1st XV and that we’d be packing down against Lucifer’s most gnarled minions I’d immediately grab my kit and follow him into the Underworld. The best and most inspiring leader I have ever encountered on a rugby field, no exceptions. As a player, almost defined by his directness; he’s going to catch the ball and run you over. Knowing exactly what he’s going to do is small comfort when you can do absolutely nothing about it (except get run over). One of many in this team who could have comfortably played at a much higher level but if you cut him open he’d have “MODS” written through him like an enormous, barnstorming stick of rock.

5. Paul Downes. The ultimate in long boy technology + arm span like an eagle = absolute lineout dominance. Try to throw it over him or throw it round him. You can’t, the man is a mobile eclipse. Don’t even try your calls in another language; he knows them all.

6. Sam Love. One of the hardest lads I’ve met on the field, in that he seemed to withstand (and deliver) an astonishing amount of impact without ever taking a backward step; in fact, it appeared that the more punishment involved, the better. Also possessed a skill set belying his hard man role and was capable all over the field. The very last action of my Mods career was (accidentally, I’m told) being knocked unconscious by a rampaging Sam as he entered a ruck with extreme prejudice. It hurt. A lot. Excellent work Sam.

7. Michael Sturla. The first time Sturla ever played flanker it became apparent what a crime it had been to keep him on the wing. Powered by Duracell and making more turnovers than the Mr Kipling factory, Sturla found his calling as an out-and-out 7, frequently spending a full 80 minutes ruining opposition lives and magnificently representing the Ginger Nation. The fact that he has kept both Dan Whitaker and Will Reavley, both super 7s, out of the shirt is an achievement in itself.

8. Lewis Cooper. One of the most technically correct players I’ve ever encountered. “Coops” is one of those lads who has clearly had a proper rugby education (as opposed to lads like me who just sort of blunder around trying to knock people down) and as a result is just GOOD AT RUGBY. You could film him jumping at the lineout, tackling people, rucking etc and show it to young players as a textbook example of how to do these things correctly. Now plying his trade at Otley I understand – I wish him all the best of luck there!

9. Luke “Spooky” Spencer. I long since lost count of the number of times when Spooky did something magic and dragged the Mods out of a hole. Leaving space down the fringes of your ruck is death when Spooky is nearby, such is his pace and eye for a gap. Also a great distributor and midfield general too – the complete 9, really. Probably scored a hugely disproportionate number of Mods’ tries.

10. Jez Howarth. This is a bit of a personal preference thing (Twiggy, if you’re reading this, please don’t feel slighted!) I’ve picked Jez because I’ve always liked a 10 who will take the ball right to the line and risk getting smashed in order to deliver that killer, flat pass. Jez has this in spades, never shirking a tackle if it meant that one of his forwards could hit a naughty line. Didn’t always come off but superb when it did (even put me over for a score a couple of times, which is testament to his ability to make silk purses from sows’ ears). Excellent boot as well.

11. Floris Van Oekel. He’s Dutch, he’s really fast. Insert highly predictable nickname here! In seriousness Floris is another one who could be in several positions (it was a toss-up between him and Sturla for 7). Bags of energy (as in, ADHD level energy), I’d turn up at training 20mins early and FVO is already outside murdering a tackle bag by himself. Has that killer combination of pace AND strength; he’ll skin you or just run over you depending on how he’s feeling. Also a really sound lad off the field as well, with tons of time for everyone whether they’re a veteran or new to the club. I was fortunate enough to see him up at Ilkley RFC last season, where I hope he continues to make an impression!

12. Josh Hardy. This lad might not be as well known as he spent much of his time in the 2nd XV, especially during our all-conquering 2014-15 (I think) season. Blessed with outrageous page and slick hands (remarkably considering one of his thumbs was bent the wrong way), Josh could play anywhere in the back line and basically became the 2nd XV’s Dan Hill, with “give it to Josh” being a standard way of getting out of a trouble spot. Scored at least 20 tries during that season, probably closer to 30. Now back home in the East Riding as far as I know – if you’re reading this, I hope you’re well!

13. Dan Hill. DAN HILL. OBVIOUSLY. Anyone who picks anyone else for 13 is incorrect. I don’t think there is anything more I can say about him which hasn’t been said already by far better writers, but suffice to say I cannot think of anyone better suited to be the Mods’ all time greatest 13.

14. Matt Stone. All together now: “OOOOOLLLLLD MAN STOOOOOOOOONNNNNEEEE”. Was coming towards the back end of his career when I arrived (apparently, he only seemed about 27 to me) but I had to have him in my team. A great presence on the field in terms of leadership and level-headedness, especially on the rare occasions when he graced the 2nd XV. Scored a striking amount of tries for someone with apparently no pace. I feel slightly bad for sin-binning him during his last game for Mods. Slightly.

15. Matty White. Another one of those players with the X Factor, Matty is one of the best “footballers” I’ve ever come across. Skilled with the ball in hand and at his feet, Matty also possessed a sharp pace and eye for a gap which could turn a game in a moment. Also a handy 10 in a pinch, as well as being able to punish any loose opposition kicking. Scored a lot of tries because he always seemed to know exactly when and where to pop up in order to take that final pass!

End.

All jokes aside, we wanted to say thanks to Kenny for giving up his time to write this article.

Coming up soon on the Mods' website, we've got a 1-15 from Scotty Robinson and, purely coincidentally, a Leeds Mods 'angry man 1-15' where we pick 15 players who could pick an argument in an empty room, so keep an eye out for those.

Also, if you found this article via google or you came straight to the website, don't forget to follow us on Twitter for all the latest Mods news.

U.T.M.

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