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Tiffs' 13 spartans run Law Society 2nds close

Tiffs' 13 spartans run Law Society 2nds close

Alex Cassidy12 Nov 2019 - 15:19
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‘He who sweats more in training bleeds less in war’ – Spartan Warrior Creed (according to Crossfit meatheads everywhere).

Following on from Sharif’s ludicrously complex fun bus rules, the 2’s got into the spirit of Greek week by appointing Apostolides as their commander and ensuring that, like Leonidas 2500 years ago, they faced overwhelming numbers by not taking a full squad to face the barbarian hordes of the Law Society.

With regular skipper Dowsett laid low by a dodgy prawn bhuna, George ‘Growler’ Taylor unsurprisingly failing a fitness test, and assorted Staples unavailable for family and fatness related reasons, the 2s were forced to scrape the barrel pretty hard to pull even 13 together. Fortunately that scraping dislodged some absolute gems in the shape of dorito shaped celebrity Al Taki, the silver tripod Fenti, and … me. With a spot of light touch to get the hands going, and the law society sportingly lending us a couple of bodies, both teams were ready to kick off just as the drizzle turned to rain.

And just like Xerces at Thermopylae, the law society threw overwhelming force at the Old Tiffs ranks. Despite a promising start, the men in purple were generally contained in their own half, with the hosts having chosen to start playing downhill. With no scrums to tie up players, the game was played at a frenetic pace with the greasy conditions causing plenty of handling errors. The back rows on both sides were having a whale of a time, the ref seemingly happy to ignore tacklers not releasing. Special shout out to identical ginger flankers Toby and Josh, who had helpfully made the decision for one of them to grow a beard so they could be told apart. Youngling Jojo also had an excellent game at 8, shovelling more sh*t than Hercules cleaning out the Augean stables.

However it was with a sense of inevitability that the shield wall was eventually breached. The law soc fly half (who had an excellent game) managed to pull the strings to allow his team to get two tries in quick succession. Shockingly, for this level of rugby, they also had a player who could kick goals, and Tiffs went into the break 14 – 0 down.

With the half time talk being the usual ‘don’t be shit’, Tiffs were bolstered by two filthily moustachioed defectors from the law society both, oddly enough, called Alex Parker. The half time talk had its usual impact, with a piss poor kick chase by Old Tiffs (when I’m the first to call mark you’re just being lazy) allowing the hosts to take a quick throw in and their fullback (I think – also excellent) to waltz in from his own half (possibly) so make the score 21 – 0. Matters were to get quickly worse with Taki taking a bang to the head. Despite it never being that easy to diagnose concussion in the little man at the best of times, the ref eventually decided that Taki and his lovely new butterfly tattoos should probably sit the rest of the game out, and a very decent comeback was brought to an unfortunate end.

However the shuffling of defensive titan Fenti into the midfield sparked what was to be an incredible comeback. Using every one of his tricks (including mauling!) the old dog gave a masterclass in demonstrating how shooting up in the face of your opposite number at this level, will generally make them panic and drop the ball without you needing to actually make a tackle. Any leftovers were happily pounced on by Greenfield, who had surrendered Quins tickets to play for Tiffs (probably the better choice given the result). With Powell and Day playing a far more direct game as conditions worsened, Tiffs started to make inroads, and the hosts started to give up ground in the contact. Glorious leader Apos was the first to cross the whitewash to spark what was to be (almost) the most glorious of comebacks.

The big ginger Alex Parker Law Society had lent us was also having a stormer. Having grabbed a try for the wrong side in the first half, he atoned for his sins by crashing over for Tiffs shortly after. Clearly forming the view that he was a little too good to be lending to the visiting side, he was swiftly hauled off for ‘blood’ before re-appearing in his home shirt shortly after. However even his return to the dark side could not halt the purple onslaught, with meaty carries by the who pack causing all sorts of problems. It was not long before human threshing machine Apos grabbed his second to cause widespread puckering within the Law ranks.

The best was yet to come, with Fenti showing the younglings how to do it in attack as well as defence. Swift hands from Day and Greenfield put the old man in some space, and that was all he needed. A bit of gas, a bit of the hips, and a diving finish in the corner (which was definitely not in touch), and Tiffs took a deserved lead of 21 – 24.

However there was to be a betrayal. Like Ephialtes did all those years ago, the Tiffs Spartans were to be undone by someone they thought they could trust, a man within their own ranks. Tiffs were comfortably defending in their half when Alex Parker’s non – moustachioed evil twin shot out of the line and knocked on in the most blatant manner imaginable.

Despite the ridiculousness of the situation being pointed out to the ref, the tight wearing pervert was dispatched to the bin having brought shame on the shirt he wore, and solicitors everywhere. While Tiffs were able to defend the immediate tap and go, the extra number (and exhaustion) eventually told and the hosts were able to score to take the narrowest of 2 point leads.

Despite the best efforts from all round, this was to prove the final score. A great game in the circumstances, with a lot of new (and not so new) players putting their hands up for the all important ladies day fixture just around the corner. A massive thank you to Law Society for being great blokes and putting on a great game.

Law Society 2s v Old Tiffs 2s
26 v 24

Tries: Apos (2), Fentiman, Alex Parker
Conversions – Day (2)

MoM – Apostolides – Two tries, inspirational leadership, loads of tackling, who else could it be.
DoD – Alex Parker’s evil twin – For cynically betraying Tiffs and getting himself binned which ultimately led to our defeat. Also for playing in tights and atrocious pint chopping.

by Richard Sedgewick

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