Racal Decca ventured south to the leafy ward of Cheam to face Old Suttonians. The boys from Tolworth were hoping to build on the previous week’s victory at the Tolworth Arms park against Streatham and Croydon 3’s.

On paper (around midday), Decca had 14 available players for the game (nothing new here to the initiated). However, Lukas Podolski Hellman and Eddy Ben Arous conspired together and soon made it only 12 available players. Both players got into a drunk stupor off Smirnoff ice, baracdi breezers and Coors lite.

Twelve men (and without a qualified front row), both captains met in the centre of the God’s eye and formed a temporary pact. Racal Decca would renounce all titles (including “kings of the south”), and agree to the contest being a “friendly”. In return….: Old Suttonians would lease two players to Racal Decca until they came of age and were able to father their young. The final stipulation from Old Sutt’s was that they will still field a full complement of 15 players (and their subs).

Formalities finalised, Racal Decca lined up with:
Stroudenheisen and Harri in the forwards, Simon Sean Shaw and Bealing in the second row, Tokyo Alan, slim fit Nobby and Ben Pocock in the backrow. With quincey injured, Simon Molloy returned at scrum half, Swedish Larz at flyhalf, Hippie Mike, Malcom at centre, “Lost and found”, pinky on one wing, “opposition” Sam on one with, and “opposition” Sam at fullback.

As ever, the first 10 minutes was a scrappy affair, both teams feeling each other out, (like horny lovers on a one night stand). Old Sutts were having the lion’s share of possession pinning the Tolworth men back in the 22. Fortunately for Racal Decca, Old Sutts line outs were not functioning well. Without having to jump (or being able to), Sean Simon Shaw and Bakkies Bealing were making quick work on the opposition throw ins….. Linking up well with size 8 Nobby the forwards were starting to throw some rather audacious offloads in the 22 (and funnily enough gaining yards).

The enforced positional changes, allowed hippie Mike to make a claim for the starting birth at inside. The converted winger (seemingly uncappable of passing), gave Racal Decca some go forward, driving his bulk straight through the Suttonian defence, creating holes that seemingly looked impassable. Another new gem unearthed was Mike’s centre colleague “Malcom X”. The outside centre (who we hope to see more of) stunned the opposition (as well as Decca) with his remarkable agility and strength.

Racal Decca broke the deadlock after some brilliant forward drives up to the try line. Molloy got the ball out to Lakka, who in turn through a dummy switch with Benjamin (not that he knew about it) and ran for the try line. Lakka was stopped just short, but managed stretch out with his African Paw to graze the white line. Try converted.

With the scrums uncontested, both teams had a lot of energy around the park. Decca managed to get themselves on the 5m line for an attacking scrum…. Rolling back the years circa 2010, Molloy ran a dummy line to the openside and Nobby picked up the ball from the base of the scrum to run down the blind side. A try seemed certain but 50-year-old flanker halted Nobby’s progression (with sheer determination and his head) and forced Decca’s no 8 in to touch. The flanker laid prone for a bit, and thankfully it wasn’t a head injury. The old timer was catching breather.

Decca could not always capitalise on their territory and conceded a try just before the half to make the scores 5-7.
Even with all their subs, Old Suttonians were still incapable of securing their own lineouts. Sean himself must have stolen about 5 from a standing position… Chef Molls continued his rich vein of form serving up the finest cuisine (serving the ball), on a plate fit enough for her majesty to eat off.

Debutant Malcom got the score board ticking once again, his fantastic sprint down the right touch line. Old Sutts could not lay a finger on him, and the outside centre dotted down by the posts – try converted.

Being a friendly, Old Sutts continued to ring in the changes, and started to find some attacking edge. Using their ball carriers, the home team got in to a whisker of the try line. The ball was flung to the left only to be intercepted by the Welsh wizard Harri. Harri (not known for his boot clearance kicks) river danced up to the 10m line and started a precession of harlequin eseque rugby.

Harri fed Stroudy who himself darted down the right touch line, before a tackle came in. Stroudy offloaded in the tackle to Bakkies Bealing, who in turn fed Tokyo Alan…. Pinky was ready to receive the ball and run for glory, but the referee got in the way of the final pass and awarded a scrum - Pinky can feel aggrieved with the anticlimactic end to wonderful phase of rugby.

Keen to play in the opposition half from the resulting scrum, Lakka booted the ball downfield and gave chase to his own kick. The opposition fullback seemingly had this covered and was willing the ball out of play to result in a scrum where the ball was kicked. Fortunately, the bounce of the ball evaded Willie Le Roux, and bounced favourably for Lakka to dot down for his second…. Try not converted.

Benjamin Taylor switched positions with hippie Mike and came in to the backline. The idea was to offer a passing threat (as Suttonians seemingly becoming wise to the joke)…. However, Ben also succumbed to the curse of the inside centre, but….. continued strong hard running.

Old Sutts did get their second try off a resulting scrum, and attacked down a blind side…. (Sutts used their numerical advantage as “opposition” Sam was in the scrum).
Racal Decca claimed the final (and possibly best) try of the game.

(Size 8) Nobby, stole a high ball, to set up a final attack. Ben threw a wide ball to Lakka on the wing…. The ball was spun out to Simon Molloy…. Molloy assessing the situation ran towards the defenders and gave a cheeky offload to Stroudenhiesen. Stroudy ran back left wing to find 2 defenders in his way. (Still hugging the touch line), Stroudy pretty much decimated the would be tacklers and showed some heroic amount of strength and determination to score his first try in half a decade. (Valiant effort for someone who thought they would never be playing rugby again)

Final score 24-10. Fantastic effort from the lads. Shame about the circumstances

Racal Decca: Opposition Sam, Pinky, Malcolm, Hippie Mike, Opposition Sam, Lakka, Stroudy, Harri, Slim fit Nobby, Father Sean, Bakkies Bealing, Tokyo Alan, Ben Taylor, Chef Molloy
Tries: Lakka x 2, Malcolm, Stroudy
Conversion: Lakka x 2
Subs: lol,
Kick off: 14:00
Official: Karl Dixon
Attendance: 25