Where soldiers go, vice follows

Fresh from the exploits away to Woking the previous week, Racal Decca were once again on the road
to set up camp, and create a siege engine in Thornton Heath. Decimated by injuries in the back line
(Woody, Samwell Potter, Peroxide-BeefCake), Samwell Banks came off his usual wing to play inside
centre, and the Nigerian express - Tolu got a rare outing at flyhalf.

Most of the travelling party did not arrive at Thornton Heath until 10mins before kick-off. The lack of
preparation, warm up, stretches, (and anything else you can think of) told when Streatham struck
first blood in the first quarter. The home team didn’t let up, and an overlap on the left-hand side of
the pitch (and some rather passive tackling) allowed their centre to claim the second try in as many
minutes.

The night is always darkest, before the dawn:
Racal Decca finally hit back, reverting to keeping it tight amongst the forwards and building pressure
on Streatham and Croydon. Benny boy Taylor, Young Ash and Welsh hazard doing denting the
opposition (like a woman scorned with a mallet). Eduardo Jones had a great carry through the heart
of the home team line. Only to be hauled down short of the 5m line. The ball was then recycled to
Benjamin boy Taylor, who dotted on the base of the post for the Decca’s first score – not converted.

Racal Decca were now released from their shackles of impotency (and the nearly men tag) and
became rampant. Father Phelan was next up to score flopping over the line in the centre of the
pitch. The lock putting his eight-foot frame to good work. Kicking duties were passed
down to Tolu Bastareaud (who coolly slotted the conversion).

Try scorer father Phelan fielded the restart, the ball was shipped down the line to Quincey, Benjy,
Lakka, and found its way to Hippie Mike. Mikey Davies fended off the first tackler and embarked on
an extraordinary solo run (arms and legs all over the gaff). The main stay outside centre was running
as if he was about to miss his Eurostar train to Brussels from St Pancreas International. Mike dotted
down after the 70m run unopposed, to score his second try in as many weeks.

Towards the latter stages of the first half, Decca remained in the opposition half. Young Ashley had a
dart for the try line, but was turned over in after the tackle was completed. Benjamin Pocock would
have the last laugh, as the number 8 claimed his second try of the day off the base of the scrum. Try
once again converted.

The second half started with a bit of a stalemate. Neither side gaining significant footholds to build
on pressure. Fly half Tolu was now in uncharted waters. Where his conversion kicking was Cipriani-
esque, his kicking to touch was very reminiscent of Peter Kay in the John Smith’s advert (Have it, no
nonsense). On one occasion, a failed kick to touch allowed the dangerous Streatham and Croydon
winger to sieve through the disorganised Decca defence, to score a home team try.

The tides were now swinging back in favour of the home team as Decca started to concede some
soft tries (exhaustion and lack of numbers certainly playing a key part). Racal Decca did respond
(thankfully) through the forwards, Eddy, Ashley and the Welsh wizard Harri – The hooker sold a
dummy, that was bought by the opposition second row, that it left him closer to tackling the
changing room than Harri himself. In fact, the dummy that Harri sold, was top draw, that Harri had
to give a receipt and change…. Lakka told Tolu to take his time with the conversions, as the team
were really running on fumes (hope and prayers).

Disarray in the makeshift back line, led to Streatham and Croydon scoring once again and were now
3 points in it. Decca were now up against it. This dynastic dispute was now becoming a war of
anhelation. Either Streatham & Croydon, or Racal Decca could live at the end (and by default win the
match) …. But not both (obviously)….

Racal Decca won in the end.

In in the last play of the game, Fullback Swedish Larz, and inside centre Samwell Banks won a turn
over just outside of the 22. Eddy had a quick crash, before father Phelan and Quincey recycled the
ball to Benjamin Taylor, who in turn put a hefty boot to ball down field. It was now a foot race
between Ben and the winger. Ben won the race and dotted down to secure victory (and his hattrick).
Tolu once again obliged with the extras with another superbly taken conversion.

Racal Decca XV: 15, German Larz, 14, Streatham Winger, 13, Hippie Mike, 12, Samwell Banks, 11,
Streatham Winger 2, 10, Tolu Nadalo, 9, Happy-Feet Quincey, 1, Young Ashley, 2, Welsh Harri, 3,
Eddie Jones, 4, Sean Phelan, 5, Stroudenheisen, 8, Benjamin Taylor
Tries: Benjamin Pocock x 3, Hippie Mike, Father Phelan, Welsh Harri
Conversion: Tolu I x 3
Next week: Home game, (Tolworth Arms Park)