Sat 14
Streatham-Croydon 2XV
Racal Decca
Act 4: A New Hope (and now my watch begins)

Act 4: A New Hope (and now my watch begins)

By Robert Holmes
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The latest instalment from the Skipper!

Living life under duress and bondage is surely not a life worth living? That perhaps was the case for Streatham and Croydon when the Racal Decca rolled in to town on a steel cladded humble steed (also quaintly dubbed the bombardier 377 turbostar).

Streatham and Croydon had requested an early kick off. The only problem being is that the groundskeeper wasn’t informed. Perhaps it was a tactic of the home team to keep Racal Decca waiting outside in the blistering cold (and sporadic ice showers) in a futile attempt to demoralise the men of the Tolworth keep.

After the previous win against Egham (which Reland made sure of), there was now a sense of pragmatism amongst the ranks. Finally turning a corner, like being allowed to join the traffic from at the junction because the HGV knew it was more effort to speed up unnecessarily (than to give right of way).

As optimistic as Racal Decca were, on the 30 min mark were 5-0 down. Streatham exploited the blindside from the halfway line to create an overlap. The hooker didn’t bother selling a dummy and simply ran over the fullback German Larz – try unconverted.

Racal Decca, (like Theresa May in government) were wasteful in whilst in possession… The boys could not make sustained inroads to inflict any pressure….. That was until number 8 Tolu exacted a mortal wound on his opposite number…. Captain Moe….

The legalities of Tolu’s challenge on Moe could only be properly deliberated at the International Court of Justice (The Hauge to my learned readers) due to its severity. In any case, Moe’s effectiveness was thereon nullified (and subsequently needed medical intervention to resolve) and Tolu continued to be rampant with his double-digit turnovers.

The somewhat lacklustre first half finished with Streatham and Croydon having a slender lead.

The second half started with a lot more purpose. Eddy caught wind that his scheduled 5pm fare was cancelled and began to play like a man who discovered a missing £10 note in last week’s trousers (someone was certainly eating dinner tonight). The resurgence of the Albanian engine (Five-Oh-Donny and Eddy) brought some much-needed life in the pack.

Not to be upstaged by the second row – Ashley-3 fingers, the welsh wizard started to become a nuisance, taking out of the book of Tolu to win some turnovers.

The away team finally got their rewards with a fantastic flowing move. Northern-French-Binns once again displayed his credentials as flyhalf with incision through the Streatham core…. The ball was offloaded to Woody, then to Scottish-Molloy who in turn fed Victoria-Line Malcolm. Malcolm stretched his legs and glanced through the last line of defence to score his first try of the season…..

Just as soon as he scored, Central-Line-Malcolm ran off the pitch… got changed into some Alexander McQueen trainers and proceeded to bolt towards Thornton Heath station.

Asked where he was going, he advised he only had 60 mins in him and had to get to Finsbury park to start his shift on the night tube.

Racal Decca now lost their pivotal outside centre…. However, not expecting to play Brighton Rich made his long overdue comeback (playing on the very pitch that forced his retirement with an ankle break). Brighton Rich showed he was just as useful as he was 2 years ago – by chasing a kick downfield and knocking on at the try line. Certainly, an embarrassing moment, as it was harder not to score than to score. The centre turned winger belly flopped on the ball rather than grounding it.

Racal Decca once again nearly doubled their lead but was held up short when Tim’s-Tolu was tackled just inches from the try line.

The lead was finally doubled through S-Molloy and Lakka. The inside centre made a sharp burst from his own 22. Molloy was tackled short but managed to offload to the fullback in support for a score converted by Woody.

Strett’s did manage to hit back with a calamity of errors deep in to red time. Tolu’s-Tim had a chance to kill the game by kicking the ball out. Instead he kicked the ball 1 metre high in the air, and about 3 metres forward (bearing in mind we were on our on 5m line). Stretts not needing a second invitation plucked the ball from the air, recycled and scored to bring some respectability to the score line.

Racal Decca: 15 – Swedish Larz, 14 – New Rich, 13 – Malcolm, 12 – Molloy, 11 - Tolu’s Tim, 10 – R-Holmes, 1 – Fingers-Ash, 2 – Welsh Harri, 3 – Eddy, 4 – Donny, 5 – Stroudy, 6 – Benjamin Tailz, 7 – Rio-De Janeiro, 8 – T-Toluz

Streatham & Croydon 10 – 19 Racal Decca of Tolworth

Scorers: National-Rail Malcolm, German Larz, Molloy

Conversion: Tanaka-Robert x 2

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Match date

Sat 14, Dec 2019