The wait is over…. (Unless you’re prince Andrew, then the wait and the weight is forever lasting)!!!!
Racal Decca returned to the pitch for their first match since March 2020, to host Purely John Fisher for their “home” pre-season fixture. The boys in hooped blue and white hosted the Coulsdon collective in some slightly unfamiliar surroundings.
The Tolworth Arms Park was undergoing some pitch renovations, and ostensible drainage work across their vast hectares! - it’s not like they had 18 months, (let’s say 12 months where some Kingston University staff would have returned to work) of unfettered earth and green pastures to get sorted! It was also uncovered that the livestock Kingston University uses to help graze the grass in a location beyond the pines were relocated long before the serial adulterer Boris’ “stay at home” order… …. So no excuse really…. But that’s a story for another day. Special thanks go to coach Matty Taylor old Emanuel RFC in securing Balgdon house!
With the “dead man’s finger’s” ingested it was time for Racal Decca to go to work. The kick off by King James resulted in a knock on early on…. The blazing sun, as bright (and as blinding) as the eternal star would seemingly be a theme of missed catches for the high balls (that was Sean’s excuse anyway). Defense soon turned to attack with Hazard (Harri) shepherding Molloy to shift the ball left of the field. The cunning Mr Fox – Bigg Matt made light work of the young Coulsden Hens before being stopped. A sublime offload to Deji Eddy left the prop in acres of space to score. Strangely, Eddy thought this would be a great day to show off his flyhalf capabilities and decided to take the Roman’s road to try line by hot stepping onward tacklers before being brought down. Thankfully the tryline was within a hare’s-foot clover and Eddy managed to score. King James converted.
Samwell Taylor and Fix-It Wren were combining well and putting in some monster hits on the Purley Chaps. Luke Bo-Jangles quickly got to business with Decca’s next try of the match which once again was converted by King James. Bo-Jangles strong tackling, and savagery certainly set the tone and standards for Decca across the park today
Purely John Fisher have done some shrewd recruiting during the off season with young faces apparent across their entire team. The unfortunate thing for them is that they didn’t have an answer to the Racal Decca pack, and the absolute power game on show. The engine room of Paul B and Sean P provided a serious platform to the Luke, and Eddy. Young Sam Taylor was interchanging during scrums with Harri to also find himself packing down at flanker.
The Purley John Fisher chaps were starved of possession consistently throughout the first half. When they did managed to get a few phases together – more often than not they were camped deep within their own half. On one occasion they did manage to punt the ball deep down field to which Swedish Larz picked up deep in the Decca half. Not one to run (couldn’t be arsed probably) Lakka punted the ball back into the Purley 22, which subsequently bounced out. Racal Decca were now beneficiaries of the new 50:22 law coming into place this year. Seems a bit strange to be rewarded for being lazy, but Bill Beaumont and his motley crew probably know best (said no one).
The resulting attacking line out was driven forward once again by the heavier pack. Tokyo Al, father Sean Jnr, Deji Eddy combining well to drive and compound what would be an extremely difficult afternoon. When the ball did spray to the backs, some suspect passing was at fault. Morgz recovering from a few shots of absinthe the evening before had a golden chance to put his young compatriot King Cole for a walk in try. Instead he passed the ball so far forward he may as well have been playing netball. Morgan did manage to correct this error by scoring a try of his own.
Racal Decca would not let up and the tries kept coming with Bigg Matt, Paul, and Deji Eddy capping off a brilliant first half.
The second half started with the same intensity, with more focus on defense and better transitional play between attack. To Purley John’s credit, they certainly attempted to up the intensity and were starting to get on the right side of the referee. The penalty count was certainly being skewed in their favour. With Holmes, Benjamin Tailz and Back-10 Bealing not available today. The home crowd did wonder who would be the penalty machine today. That mantle (and candle) was now ungraciously being taken up by the Kent Ripper. The referee was keen to see a clear release in the tackle before trying to play the ball before the ruck was formed. He was also keen to see players not flopping on the ball. Ripper on this occasion made a great tackle and was assisted Lights-ON Taylor. Unfortunately on this occasion Paul was requested to let go / roll away and he didn’t. Once pinged for the penalty, he immediately professed his innocence like Bill Clinton, but he (and the team) were marched back 10 for his dissent!
Purley John Fisher came extremely close to scoring their first try and but unfortunately their veteran winger Julian was held up past the tryline by Father Phelan Jr. The resulting play actually meant that Decca would take a tryline drop out (and not an attacking scrum as per the rule change). Bigg Matt took it on himself to make the clearance. The clearance went about 50m up, 20m right, and about 0.9 meters forward. Purley were not alive to the advantage and the ball was again booted downfield. Fix-it Wren nearly had a chance to regather the ball if it wasn’t for an acrimonious bounce. Welsh wizard Harri in the back play did manage to get the ball and made a jinking run upfield before a no-look, out the back door pass to Lakka to score a try under the post. King James converted.
Purley wouldn’t have to wait too long for their first and only try of the match. Stroudy made a lung busting round up the field and brought the entire back line with him. The ball was recycled, but was also turned over. The Purley winger found himself in acres of space on the left hand side of the field. Eddy was the only person in the backfield for Decca. It was an old school 1v1. Eddy the prop vs the winger. Eddy tried to show him the outside in an attempt to use the lines of engagement as an extra defender. The winger coy to Eddies plan instead took the inside instead and gave Eddy the hand for good measure. Great try for the away team under the posts.
That would be the last time Purley managed to get any decent ball and field position in the second half. Frustration was starting to set in…. This was personified by Jules the winger at 5foot 5 inches deciding to pick a fight with Bigg Matt (who is about 6 foot 10 in heels). A mismatch, but an entertain watch of the old handbags.
Molski got Racal Decca’s penultimate try with a fantastic solo effort. Today’s scrum half dragged the looked to have been caught with a lack of space on the left hand of the field, however the veteran hit the nitros and absolutely burned a tired defence to score a try. Big Matt missed the conversion.
Racal Decca’s final try came from Tokyo-Al. A penalty was given away just inside the 22. Deji-Eddie softened up the defence in typical Ellis Genge fashion and was held up just short of the tryline. Tokyo-Al obliged by barrowing his way through to score. Final conversion missed by Deji-Eddie.
Tries (before we stopped counting): Lakka, Luke, Morgz, Molly x 2, Bigg Matt x 2, Eddie, Paulie, Sean, Alan
Conversions: King James scored most of them, Eddie missed 1, Bigg Matt missed 1
15; - Swedish Larz, 14; - Fix-it Wren, 13; - Can’t catch, forward pass Morgz, 12; - Fit again Stroudy, 11; - Captain Cole, 10; - King James – the son of Odin, 1; Luke Bo-Jangles - 2; - Lights ON! Samwell T, 3; - Fullback Deji Eddy, 4; - (The Kent) Ripper 5; Father Phelan Jnr- 6; - Tokyo-Al, 7; - The Welsh Hazard, 8; - B166-ER (Bigg) Matt
Sub: 16; - A chance will be a fine thing, 17; - This is Decca, 18; - I’m Schleep, 19; - Allow it, allow it, 20; - Bare Bones, 21; - Ma Dargs, Fresh home, fresh home, 22; - National Express, 23; - South Western Trains ticket inspector (covering Surbiton to Wimbledon only)
P.s. None of these subs exist, or got on to the pitch. Racal Decca was a solid 15 man effort!
Head Coach and DoR: Matthew Taylor (lights OUT)
P.s.s. As a result of a lack of stats, the chronological try scoring and actual events have been formulated post-match, at a table, after methodical and copious swigs of Belgium’s finest export…. Hunt…. Big Thank you to all those involved, and those who made their Racal Decca debut. Thank you also to our supporters in person, and remotely!
Next game: Tolworth Arms Park, @ 15:00