Sat 16
Old Emmanuels A
Racal Decca
The birds work for the Bourgeoisie!!!!! (don’t trust them)

The birds work for the Bourgeoisie!!!!! (don’t trust them)

By Alan Parry
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Larry's latest report delivers you all the highlights of the oe game

The rain fell in sheets, with great bolts of lightning lit the world as bright as a sunrise in Dorne. This of course was applicable to the early birds among us. At the time the earlier kick off started, the rain had relented, giving way to beautiful sunshine. Old Emmanuels ground was heaven (a place on earth).

Elation stopped short like the braking distance on a Austin Rover Maestro when it became apparent that the starting front row would consist of Lakka, a 70 year old Geezer from Old Emannuels (colloquially now known as world war Jim), and Lights Out Matty Taylor. Not ideal, but Fit Again Stroud arrived shortly after kick off to give Lights On a well-earned beer and rest (4mins in to the game). Problems in the scrum weren’t entirely resolved, but became slightly more stable….

A few missed tackles allowed Emans to score their first try of the match….. The stem didn’t quell as Emans continued to run three unanswered tries in the first half. Smelling like Sambuca, left over kebab meat, and a Gerbil’s rear sphincter, Benjamin Tailz let it be known his feelings about the game and the ever present touch judge (in between gasping for air and water).

Perhaps the earlier kick off wasn’t the blessing in disguise as previously hoped for and anticipated. It was clear that Emans were battled hardened and ready for war. Racal Decca were slow to the races (as well as the kick off). Chip kick quince true to his moniker did put in a kick that didn’t bear the same supple fruit as a few weeks ago, same is to be said by Old Freemans Paulie. Although meant to relieve some pressure, in all honesty it just invited it back.

Racal Decca’s first half woes were compounded by the fact our “friendly” had two touch judges…. Fully kitted out…. And very much in the ear of referee today. Morgz the calf got a charge down and Decca had thought they scored a well worked try. Further discussions had adjudged Fix-it Wren to be infront of the charge down and the try was chalked off for an offside penalty.

Open play wasn’t all one sided…. It was just the home team made better use of the ball against a makeshift backline and front row…. And Decca’s tackling was a bit optional
Racal Decca’s only try in the first half came late on through German Larz in the corner…. B1-66ER Matt didn’t convert

With the linesman in the ear of the referee at every critical moment of the game against Decca. A friendly derby match between local rivals soon turned to a war of annihilation (more so at half time with stern words from the head coach).
Racal Decca got to work a lot quicker and kept the ball more tight and less expansive in initial 20minute period of the second half. It was clear Old Emans had somewhat threw the baby out with the bath water in the first half, and were now starting to lag with the NSPCC (The men from Tolworth) started gain a foothold and catch up. Father Phelan Jnr, and the Freemans boys had a significant hand moving the troops further up the field… This was accompanied by Tokyo-Al exploiting some weakened shoulders. Fix-it Wren tried his hardest to get the ball to the backs, but uncharacteristic unforced errors meant there wasn’t a lot of go outside of the centres. King Cole was left with ample time to ponder treason and his line of succession to the crown (he was very lonely on the wing).

Racal Decca got their second try of the match through Napoleon la Larz after a beautiful offload from Quincey, to Paul to Lakka. Just inside the 22 Lakka chipped over the defense and gathered the ball as it rolled over the try line. B1-66ER Matt converted.

B1-66ER would bag himself a try with a destructive run from the base of the scrum to barge over the fly half, the inside centre, the flanker, the number 8, the scrum half and the fullback and dotted down to the left of the post. Ripper Paul went full Itoje and expressed is extreme delight with the try (Paul’s happiness would be short lived)…. Lakka converted the try.

Decca’s final try came from a loanee from Old Freemans. A few minutes before, Racal Decca had a penalty advantage and were attacking down the left side. Keen to keep momentum high, chip kick quince threw the pill at Paul Bohle, and Paul Bohle was smashed into the middle of last week. A fantastic rib tickler from Old Emans that was greeted by “ooooo’s” and groans from the crowd (as well as most of the players). Some would say the tackler was offside…. Some would say hospital pass.

Inexplicably Old Eman’s had a try clearly held up by Big Matt. This was overturned when the touch judge walked over to the referee and asked him to overturn his decision. The same touch judge who asked the referee to give Benjamin Tailz a yellow card, the same touch judge who was in the ear to disallow Racal Decca’s charge down try in the first half….. Sigh…. One would think this touch judge has some invested interests in Old Emanuels. However, we’re not hear to discuss the contempt in court. We already know…. “The birds work for the Bourgeoisie”. Racal Decca clearly was a symbol of everything he will never have, and a warning that will never apply.

Tokyo-Al went off 10mins from time as a result of a cut just above his left eye, and Old Eman’s finished the game with a final try with a sprint down the left wing.

All in all, it was a slow start from Racal Decca that ultimately left too much to do to claw the game back in the second half (not least of all helped by a touch judge who grandeur delusions of becoming a referee in the world cup final in France in 2023)

Racal Decca Team: 15; - Swedish Larz, 14; - Old Freemans Gareth, 13; - Benjamin Tailz, 12; - Morgz the calf, 11; - Captain Cole, 10; - Fix it Wren, 1; Matty Taylor - 2; - Chest Plate Larz, 3; - World War Jim (Old Emans), 4; - (The Kent) Ripper 5; Father Phelan Jnr- 6; - Tokyo-Al, 7; - Old Freemans Paul, 8; - B166-ER (Bigg) Matt 9;- Chip Kick Quince
Sub: 16; - Fit Again Stroud, Old Freemans flanker

Tries: Chest Plate Larz x 2, B1-66ER Matt, Old Freemans flanker
Conversions: Chest Plate Larz, B1-66ER Matt x 2

Head Coach and Director of Rugby: Matthew Taylor (lights OUT)
Next game: Tolworth Arms Park, @ 15:00

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Match details

Match date

Sat 16, Oct 2021



Meet time



Be on the pitch ready for warm up for 14:15