“There are two types of rugby players….. There’s honest ones, and then there is” - Augustine Creevy

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen,

Happy New Year to each and every one of you (please also extend our
greetings to your loved ones, hold them near and dear…. And tell them you
love them if you haven’t done so recently).

Racal Decca recorded their biggest win (in recent memory) with a 9+ try
spectacle at the TAP (Tolworth Arms Park) against Croydon RFC based in West
Wickham.
Croydon would start the match with 14 players… coincidently this also suited
Racal Decca as Eddy (with all his wisdom) thought it would be a great idea on
Saturday to fight against male pattern baldness, (and chop it all off) and get his
nails done…. All of which was executed midday in Merthyr Tydfil (Two hours
before kick off).

Scrummaging would be the piece de resistance for both teams today, a clear
indication on the weather and pitch conditions. Croydon successfully won the
first put in to the scrum…. And that first scrum would account to their 25-30%
success rate. With Eddy trying to find his ticket to get out of Wales, Woody
moved up to prop alongside the Hazard and returning fan favorite… Leeds’
Ashley. Father Phelan Jnr returned to the pack, alongside the usual centre
Ricky Ross… (little did he know there would be no return to the backline �� )
For the first 10minutes of the match Croydon gave a fantastic account of
themselves, and the match remained very much a stalemate with constant
ebbs and flows. The Croydon scrum half and fly half doing well initially to move
the Decca backline around, and trying to pin them as far away as possible from
the white line (like a conservative party chief whip to members of parliament
who frequent downing street toilet cubicles to powder their noses after one of
Boris’ “alleged” parties).

Racal Decca caught onto Croydon’s act…. As they continued to employ their
dangerous outside centre as their chief means for yardage. Their centre carried
well and made some decent carries going forward.

Racal Decca’s well oiled machine (the scrum) soon pay paid dividends (unlike
the energy companies who have gone bust). Tokyo Alan launched himself from
the base of the scrum to feed Fix-it Wren the ball. The young flyhalf playing
outside centre gave a quicky shimmy and darted through the gap to get the
home side the first try of the match. This was Fix-It Wren’s first try in the for
Racal Decca… (he celebrated it by immediately catching the quarter to train
from Tolworth to Wimbledon as soon as the game finished).
Holmes and Watson couldn’t convert and blamed the stoggy pitch and dodgy
kicking tee

Croydon continued to make life difficult for the home side. They were effective
in their 1 out runners from the base of the ruck. However, they continued to
be marshalled by Tokyo Alan, Father Phelan, Morgz the calf and the Welsh
hazard. Racal Decca employed some heavy busts up the guys through Bigg
Matt, Holmes and Watson, and Sean. Benjamin Tailz would get himself
acquainted with his opposition flanker by way of bullying the elderly with a
textbook clear out. Picked up on the referee’s microphone, it was suggested
that Ben wasn’t happy with the opposition flankers response when queried
about his booster jab. The referee stopped play to ensure the old fella was
alright…. This was after Ricky Ross’ break to feed Hazard for what was certain
to be a try!
Play eventually resumed and Decca had a penalty about 8m out from the try
line. Quince took the quick tap and fed Tokyo Alan who burst through for the
second try of the game. Robby converted.

The Welsh hazard did managed to bag himself a try after being on hand to
collect an offload from Swedish Larz who ran the ball back deep from the
home side 22. *cough* - Robbie Savage slotted the conversion

Racal Decca ended the first half 3 tries to the good. Eddy joined the fray… The
imperious Croydon centre went off injured, and Rob started the second half
doing a shift for Croydon….

Racal Decca started the second half in the same vein as the first, but this time
the vein was infused with adrenaline and over exuberance… Each restart was
met with furiously strong carries from Spanish Jorge, Eddy and Benjamin Tails.

Now…. Please imagine a Fijian 7s side throwing offloads out the backdoor….
Now imagine Racal Decca doing the same. For whatever reason, Racal Decca
were keen to keep the ball alive (maybe because Quincey was calling the plays
from 40m from where the action was). Morgz the calf, Hellman, Fix-it-Wren
Father Phelan, Stoneleigh Jorge were the main proprietors of Racal Decca’s
new found passing skill. Ben tried to get involved and got sat down… (Croydon
don’t forget injustices inflicted to their elderly)

Croydon rallied well to exert some pressure at the lineout and for all money
(£400 on red) were in for a try until intervention from Quincey, Sean and
young Ashley stopped a guilt edge try and the Croydon forward unfortunately
knocked on (when it seemed simpler to score).
Stoneleigh George bagged himself a try with an exquisite dart down the left
hand side…. The winger showing a clean pair of heels and going in untouched.
The try tap would not be turned off as Quincey received an offload from Bigg
Matt to go under the posts, Big Matt himself bagged himself a try, Tokyo Alan
got himself a brace, as did Hellman and Benjamin Tailz to get on the score
sheet.

A valiant effort from the Racal Decca lads to bag a long awaited win (long may
it continue).
We hope to venture down to the Kent borderlands to meet Croydon for the
return fixture.
Racal Decca Team: 15; - Swedish Larz, 14; - (Bring the) Hell man, 13; - Fixed
Wren, 12; - B1-66ER (Big Matt), 11; Spanish Jorge (Stoneleigh George) - 10; -
Holmes & Watson, 1; Ashley from Leeds - 2; - The Welsh Hazard, 3; 4; - Father
Phelan Jnr; 5; - Ricky Ross (Whitelock) - 6; - Morgz the calf 7; - Benjamin Tailz,
8; - Tokyo Alan, 9;- “no-9” dancing feet Quincey
Subs: Aerodynamic Eddy (when finally arrived)

Tries: Benjamin Tailz, Tokyo Alan x 2, Spanish Jorge, Quincey, Hazard, Swedish
Larz, Bigg Matt, Fixed it Wren
Conversions: Holmes and Watson x2, German Larz, Bejamin Tailz
Head Coach and Director of Rugby: Matty Taylor
MOTM: Tokyo Alan
DOTD: Undecided… (Awaiting report from Sue Gray)
Next game: TBC (please confirm availability)
A careful assortment of pictures are available via Ricky Ross’ Father here:
https://www.icloud.com/sharedalbum/#B0wGod3sS7kW4A;21A48A55-E5BF-404F-9EB1-
BD1E6A64F94D