Northallerton 23 - 30 Sheffield Medicals

Record crowds, great bantz and scandal galore as Medics continue their quest for league domination.

Game day had finally come around again for the Medics as they woke up on a rather glum Saturday morning. Despite the long journey up to Northallaton, those in Charles’ Volvo estate (fitting our ‘family club’ image perfectly) were treated to a smooth ride and some of Gabbott’s fantastic karaoke and “great bantz”. It was really awesome.

After an efficient warm up both teams lined up ready for kick off. The record crowd of possibly 30…or 40…or some other huge number (at least half of them being Charles’ dedicated relatives - giving the Medics some much needed away support) drew in a collective breath, as the epic was about to begin.

Neither team had been able to get a firm grip on the match at first until suddenly, around 6 minutes in, the Northallaton winger punted ahead of the Medics back line, managing to chase the ball down in the corner with a good finish for the first try of the game. The number 12, who, not only had a very accurate boot but also had what looked like a very well kept beard, finely slotted the conversion.

Disheartened, the medics re grouped under the posts for Captain Matty Clarke to perform the entirety of the ‘Inches’ speech from ‘Any Given Sunday’. With new found wind in their sails and a can do attitude that filled their boots to the brim, the Medics found themselves back in the game straight away as a fine kick through from FTR sent Peter “oooh my finger hurts” Goodwin over the line. Goodwin’s delight was clear for all to see as he punched the air with a clenched fist and kissed his badge. (Passionate)LAD. The conversion was slotted with ease by Eddy Farmer (Practicepaysoff)LAD.

The game continued to be a tight affair as the Medics found Northallaton’s great scrambling defence and the boot of the 10 difficult to deal with. The ‘Men of Sheffield’ were soon on the front foot again however, with fly half Eddy Farmer’s chip over the defence allowing Peter Goodwin to gather and go under the posts for his second. Goodwin lifted up his shirt to reveal writing across his chest saying ‘’who’s a s**t Tim Gibbons now?” Rumour has it that it was a message of defiance to fellow teammates Mike Watters and Chris Jones (watching on TV at home). Twitter erupted with speculation.

Northallaton then picked themselves up and spent a fruitful 20 minutes in the Medics’ half, turning pressure into points as they collected 6 points from penalty kicks.

Tris, then decided that the 14-13 halftime score line reflected the tale of the half so perfectly that he intentionally dropped the ball over Northallaton’s line – denying the Medics the 5 points they so wanted. A police investigation into possible match fixing has been officially launched after it was revealed that Tris regularly tees off with Wayne Rooney Snr.

Soon after half time it was Mike Watters’ moment to shine as his footballing skills allowed him to dribble the ball over the line to take the score to 19-13. Conversion failed. It didn’t take long, however, for Northallaton to strike back with a well-worked pick and drive try. The home team used their success at the breakdowns well to disrupt the Medics’ attempts at continuity and to turn over plenty of ball. Not much later a successful penalty for the Medics took the score to 25-18.

Playboy Eddy Farmer celebrated his recent engagement to ‘The Saturdays’ pop sensation Frankie Sandford with a arcing run through the tiring Northallaton defence to touch down to make it 30-18. Farmer is quoted as to have said after the match ‘’I can’t wait to get home – Frank’s making chicken kiev”. We wish the happy couple all the best.

To their credit Northallaton never stopped applying pressure, making use of their superior strength to go over again before the final whistle making the final score 30-23.

A good day for Sheffield Medicals as they bagged the away win and a crucial bonus point in what is proving to be a very competitive league.

Attendance: at least 40.