Firstly, apologies for the painful wait you’ve all had to endure for this most inaccurate of match reports. Having suffered two vicious assaults on my cranium, some events may have been erroneously juxtaposed but I have tried my best to maintain tempo-spatial contiguity where possible. #clublegend Many thanks must also go to Pete ‘I must be top try-scorer but DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT’ Goodwin for his constant reminders that this report was well overdue. So, ‘thanks Pete’
As I had stepped out into an overcast Crookesmoor morning, a quick glance at my inherited barometer (one of many meteorological devices my father has passed down over the years) told me the weather was set to change. Ominous. I set off for the med school wary of the fact that some less-than-dry weather may upset my latest quiff. Travelling up to Old Rish, further omens cast fear into my heart as I couldn’t help but notice the high fatality rates of the roundabouts as we approached. Thankfully, Sandler would not be responsible for anyone’s life here. Upon arrival and a close inspection of our adversaries, it was apparent that some boys in Yorkshire could throw a pigskin outside of the 10 – further signs that that day’s battle was not a forgone conclusion.
The first 10 minutes were dominated by Medics possession as we kept them pinned back in their half but there were signs that several of their backline kicked well out of hand. Undeterred by this, Sheffield backs pulled off a slick yet admittedly slightly confused move, helped by a delicious offload by Sonny-Bill Blackwell that saw Pete Goodwin add another to his corpulently-proportioned bag of tries for the season. A clean conversion by philosopher Farmenides added the extras. Some more sustained pressure gave Sheffield the opportunity to slot a penalty soon after leaving them with a 10 point cushion over the home team. However (excellent connective word), complacency may have crept into some Medics as the pace notably slowed down and Old Rish were allowed to mount a counter-offensive. Good kicking and some slack tackling brought them close to the Sheffield line but some dogged defensive work by the pack around the fringes snuffed out any try opportunities. Seriously boys, top stuff yeah? Cool. In consolation, Rish banged a penalty and scampered back to their half. Sheffield soaked up the rest of the pressure up to the end of the second quarter but it was clear that this was not going to be walkover like the good old days of Yorkshire 4.
A powerful kick up the proverbial was delivered by the size 11’s of skipper Clark at half-time and it was made clear that Sheffield had to be first out of the blocks at the beginning of the second. Unfortunately, the Medics start was a bit of a damp squib. Some good play by the Old Rish backs carved a path through for their centre who scored in the corner. The follow-up was missed putting the score at 10 – 8 to Sheffield. It was clear that this would not be easy to close out. The next 20 minutes remained devoid of points as both teams took it in turns to penetrate behind the other but no balls touched any whitewash. Not one to be distracted by such silliness, The Eyes continued to lay the smackdown on unsuspecting Yorkshiremen. Sheffield glimpsed a try when Charlie ‘Dad’ Finan nearly finished in the corner. Despite being close to the line, Dad was so outraged at how easily he’d fed palm to several potential tacklers that he threw the ball down in disgust, refusing to score with such ease. Eventually, this dearth of points grew too much for some and Yay Mac took advatange of a penalty deep inside the Sheffield half to carve some dutty lines and set up a try for Captain Clark. The powers of deduction lead me to conclude that this was not converted. As to the order of the next two tries, I am unable to divulge but I tossed a coin and I think lover of knowledge and all things contemplative, Eddy Farmer’s try was the next to increase Sheffield’s lead. A mix up at the back of the Rish scrum, 5 metres from their line gave Eddy the chance to dive on the ball and extend the lead to 20 – 8. With the sun now out and Sheffield plans coming to fruition, their fitness kept them advancing to the Old Rish line and some clinical interplay from lovebirds McLeod and Fawdry sent Al crashing through and under the posts to seal the bonus point victoire.
A well-fought and hard-won win that helps Sheffield Medics close out an emphatic arrival and consequent promotion from Yorkshire 3. Final score: 27 – 8. Sickkk. MegaLOLs also required for poor Amer Obeid Esq. whose raffle prize wasn’t exactly the one he wanted…