Southwark 2s vs Beckenham 4s

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebel Alliance secured a historic victory against the overwhelming forces of the Empire.
To be more specific, last Saturday the newly rebranded Southwark 2s beat Beckenham 4s in a highly enjoyable afternoon’s rugby that went some way to erasing the painful memories of their trip to the same club just the week before (the less said about which the better).
Following a slight delay whilst both teams waited for their last few players to arrive – during which Beckenham ran drills and The Rebels realised they had left their ball in the changing room so entertained themselves by repeatedly huddling to talk about how well they were going to do at playing rugby – the match was underway.

Kicking off with the setting sun on their backs (tactically dubious but more romantic) The Rebels were unsettled to find themselves promptly bundled back over their own line by a pack made up of bigger fatter boys than they. Even more unsettling that one of these same big fat boys went on to score the conversion, leaving our heroes seven points down within the first five minutes.
Whilst Beckenham had undeniable bulk, the Lancers had flair, looks and luck on their side. It wasn’t too long before Ed, face plastered in Vaseline like some kind of greasy war paint, had hacked the ball through the oppo line, chased it down and scored an unlikely solo try. Aaron’s conversion fell short, but it was a long way out and a bloody good effort so no hard feelings.

A little later Ed found himself once again wrestling for the ball within a metre of the Beckenham tryline. As it turned out, he was wrestling with his own teammate so he and Zeno, both overcome with white line fever, ended up flopping over together and jointly claiming the score. This time Aaron’s mighty boot struck true and the ball soared between the posts.

At some point before half time Bertie tapped a penalty from 5 metres out, thundered straight through the smallest player in front of him and dramatically dropped the ball forward over the line and into touch. Immediately before half time Beckenham made far better use of a penalty by slotting it over the bar to bring them within two points of The Rebels.

For the first twenty minutes of the second half nothing much happened. The Rebels stuck to their game plan of chipping over and pressuring for territory, whilst Beckenham did something similar but with a little less success – every kick that fell into the impeccable hands of Sam at fullback was run back with a dangerous grace than invariably broke the first tackle. Sometimes even the second tackle too. The Beckenham pack, though increasingly tired, continued to batter their way forward with big mauls from the lineout.
In the second half of the second half some magic happened. Aaron drifted out and fed a superb switch to Jamie, who seemed to read his mind in the way that only true friends (or brothers / lovers) can, busting through the opposition and freeing Israel to sprint toward the line. Despite stepping in as blindside flanker for the day, Israel had not forgotten how to run, fast. Everyone on both sides was very impressed and agreed that it really was a very lovely try.

Toward the end of the match Captain Glen marred an otherwise excellent display of leadership by instructing Aaron to tap a penalty from inside the Rebels half rather than kicking for touch, playing safe and waiting patiently for the final whistle. As it turned out Aaron shrugged and stepped his way through the entire tired Beckenham team and scored under the posts to emphatically seal the victory, but that doesn’t vindicate what was a frankly rash and foolhardy decision.

Israel was deservedly awarded man-of-the-match, with honourable mentions for Jamie and Ed. Full credit to all players who stepped up and played out position, including Ed at hooker (nobody wants to be hooker) and Aaron F, who was unfazed not only by playing in an unfamiliar position but being addressed with an unfamiliar name. Although everybody played like a champion Bertie nominated himself for dick-of-the-day for his try-avoiding antics, and proceeded to further humiliate himself (and slightly tarnish the victory) with an attempt at downing a pint so slow that both teams ran out of songs, lost interest and wandered back into the bar.