Team Effort

In a day where I received the most abuse since I stayed around Uncle Albert’s house (I can’t remember much, but I never saw him again) I was tasked with writing the match report. My last effort was mildly successful, being praised as “funny” (mj - I thnk the term I used was ammusing) by our dear leader (captain Mike) despite the fact that Danny had claimed “Oh my days, your jokes are so terrible” (along with questioning my choice of jacket, claiming that we need more gay cops and saying that I was too stupid to be in the police) and so I sit here writing my second report of the season. Hopefully this will not be censored, last time I did use a naughty word or two.

From the start we were optimistic, their 9 was filling in at hooker before moving to 10 and we were very strong in the scrums, winning several of theirs and pushing them back with vim and vigour. Even if I do say so myself the entire tight 5 were fantastic, showing great desire to win the ball and push them back even when they brought on a fully willing front-rower and a few higher-level players in the scrum (their flanker made a noticeable difference) we more than held our own. We even had a shout for a penalty try after pushing them back twice on their own line. This is despite the fact we have a hooker who “isn’t a scrummaging hooker” (quote Rich Black), which is like saying to a glamour model that she’s got saggy tits. The lineouts also worked well, Gareth nicked several of the oppositions lineouts when they went to the front, and Rich Black stole them when they were overthrown, we utilised the front man effectively when they changed their jumper and overall the forwards had a display to be proud of.

The backs weren’t half bad either! There were a few knock ons, but if they went to hand we would have scored, so maybe they were risks worth taking (unlike barebacking a Cambodian girl). The 16-13 win could easily have been by more. I can’t remember exactly how the tries happened, due to spending most of my time on the floor handling balls, but Johnson scored and as did Dave Anthony off of a flowing backs’ move. There were lots of good runs, Johnson and Luke made several strong runs, Dave Nash made a strong run with his foot into the opposition player’s body and Dave Anthony and Danny Chinsman combined well several times. Danny later argued with Dave and came out with an insult along the lines of “I have more hair than you” which was swiftly retracted on seeing the top inch of Dave’s top being pulled down. The service from the back of the scrum was good, although it may have been a bit quicker especially when I was shouting “GET THE (mj - sorry Jake censored again) BALL OUT! GET RID OF IT! GET RID OF IT!” when we were being wheeled and Matt put in an excellent performance at number 9, proving that we can win without Seamen all over the back of our scrums and rucks.

Alex Royle converted one, hit the post with the other and kicked two penalties, which makes up for the awful intercept pass of last week and this week’s quick penalty (To be fair to him, a few other players, myself included, took silly quick penalties; though things may have been better if we were awarded the penalties for them not being back 10!) The game got difficult in the second half, they made a few substitutions and we were up by 6 points, reduced to 3 points after a penalty, and then we had to grind out the result for the rest of the match. It was a truly impressive performance that we should be proud of, we clung on, didn’t panic too much and played as a team should.

Dick of the Day went to Fabian for several knock ons. To be fair, Bryan put in a good shout for taking us up the back alley instead of the main road (which he must be used to.) Johnny Ricks put in a momentous performance putting his body on the line and having to go off concussed. Or so we thought. Such bravery would usually be rewarded with “Man of the Match” but it transpired that Mr Ricks has been diabetic for nigh on a decade and didn’t think that he should bring a pen, or sugar, or whatever he needs out to the sideline. He was saved from DoD by the fact we didn’t want to kill him.

Man of the Match went to Johnson, In a team display where the award could have gone to several players, Johnson's hard running stood out and being versatile enough to play 3 positions in a match was a bonus, heo maybe should look to pass more, but we’ll let that go because he’s actually a flanker.

Squad:

Mike Jennings (c)
Danny Armstrong
Jake Wojtowicz
Rich Black
Gareth Borer
Fabian Palencia
Johnson Oredein
Jonny Ricks
Shakeem Frantzen
Matt Evans
Alex Royle
Dan Chinsman
David Anthony
David Nash
Luke Dickinson
Cal Noack