St Lawrence v Huracan

The scene was set at Bitchett Green this past week for St Lawrence v Huracan with picturesque surroundings.  The pitch was in great condition but seemed to be lacking something... the lines that had been mown away.  Huracan were ferried from the station along with a television camera filming for Football Mondial, confident of serving up a footballing lesson.  One player was even heard to say, ‘we’re not use to this’ on seeing the pitch.  It is not clear as to whether he was referring to the hostile atmosphere within the Cauldren, which has become known as Fortress Bitchett (except for last season) on the local circuit, or whether it was due to the fact he was told to move whilst getting changed by the goalposts, as Saint’s players were hurriedly trying to mark out the pitch. One positive is that we have found a new groundsman willing to mark the lines and strim the jungle like area behing the line in the goals, as long as trousers are provided to comply with health and safety.
The first third kicked off with Saints continuing their new found tactics of 4-5-1 and pressing high up the pitch.  After his recent performance of recent weeks where he has been testing his own goalkeeper from 40 yards Paul ‘the tan’ Wood was pushed further forward to become the enforcer in centre midfield. The extra defence in the centre allowed Jenkinson and Donoghue to maraud forward.  There were not many clear cut chances created but Saints continued to spray the ball around effortlessly waiting for the gaps to appear.  Huracan, for all their pre match confidence, were surprised by the high intensity performance and continued to buckle under the Saint Lawrence pressure. As the first third drew to a close despite their domination the score was deadlocked at nil nil, with Wright glancing a header over the bar.
After the first break, changes were made that saw Browne pushed forward to striker, with Legge-Beale continuing to plug the hole behind him, where he had been looking threatening for the duration of the game.  Campion was added to centre midfield and instantly left his mark on the opposition’s striker who had come deep to collect the ball, but was greeted by a challenge that almost left him in the Padwell having an early pint, which may have made the challenge hurt less.  Saints continued to go at it hammer and tongs and broke the deadlock shortly into the period where Legge-Beale fired in an edge of the area shot from his traction-engine-like foot that left the keeper clutching at thin air. Great finish, and one onlooker even commented ‘he went all eggers on the ball there’. With the bit between their teeth Saints created further chances with Greg twisting the opposition right-back inside out leading to Browne missing the target with a header.  However, it seems in his week off he is in vigorous training after connecting sweetly to head a table and end up with stitches (see Facebook for further information).
The last third saw further changes that included Jenkinson being deployed in the hole, a position he does not frequent often.  This decision was due to the fact Legge-Beale, after putting in an impressive display, had decided to concentrate on saving his energy to walk the 10k the next day.
After the changes Saints lost some of their fluidity and Huracan started to pass the ball around and create some chances. Their equaliser came when a cross was floated into the box, where Cox, attempting to fist it away, ended up playfully spanking the ball into the top corner.
This did not deter Saints who, buoyed by the rumours of a bank account that was not in a top pocket, continued to push forward and box the oppo in. The second goal was a sumptuous display of poetry in motion. If Paolo di Canio had been in attendance there would have been exclamations of 'St Lawrence v Huracan, more like Barcelonav Huracan'. Porter-Bean's interception fell to Wright who laid it back to Haverson who in turn placed an inch-perfect pass on the money inside the full back where Murray, dispelling prematch rumours of being a player who lacks pace, caressed the ball across the keeper in to the far corner! Four touches before the opposition had the ball trying to play the ball out of their half; further evidence that the high pressing game of Saints is leaving opposition defences mentally scarred and shell-shocked with cries of 'just take it, I give up!'
Maybe Saints were still impressed with their second goal, or maybe they were slightly disappointed by the lack of an organised celebration by Murray, not following in the footsteps of his hero and current ab off title holder, James Brown, but they gave the ball away cheaply which led to Huracan’s striker being left one-on-one where he dispatched the ball into the postage stamp to draw level.
However, after this, Saints awoke from their slumber and there only ever looked like being one team scoring the winner. Joe was pushed into centre midfield and began to influence the already potent Saints attack. The third goal was a thing of tactical genius by the manager John Herbert who, we have to assume, told Porter-Bean to take out his own player Paul Wood in such a way that the ref, on seeing Wood upended in a heap, would award a free kick to Saints. Only explanation!  The free kick was whipped into the box where the smallest player on the pitch Joe (Murray the Second?) rose like a salmon to head on goal, where the keeper could only spill to fox in the box Wright who passed the ball into the net for Saint’s deserved winner.
After a ding dong battle, Saints emerged victorious and clearly relished the opportunity to play in front of the Sky cameras.  Rumour has it all the Saints’ goals were caught on camera to be aired on Sky in the future, where none of Huracan’s were, does that make it 3.0?
It surely can’t be long until Soccer Saturday send Chris Kamara down to the Fortress.... In fact instead of levelling the tennis court to extend the pitch maybe we should consider getting rid of it and building a raised media box for Redknapp and Neville to conduct their post match analysis. If we are getting electronic scoreboards then we might as well add a media box!