The ‘Saints’’ first foray into the intense, steely eyed competion of The Severnside Skittles League ('All In') Second Division was a long time coming. Thanks to open weeks, teams dropping out of the league and cup 'byes' it was on Tuesday the 14th of September in the year of our lord two thousand and ten, - whilst I was off trying to teach the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, English, some good old fashioned Anglo Saxon manners and reminding them that the world could have been a much different place for them if only they'd got off their lazy Gallic arses and learnt to fire a cannon once every 90 seconds instead of the of the distinctly Mediterranean one round every 3 minutes (its called History Liam mate but don't worry, it didn't matter that you weren't listening 'cos they don't teach it any more anyway!), - that we won our first match.

There is some discrepancy as to whether away skittles matches are tours and therefore covered by the WGOTSOT rule (see Captains Blog Vol VII www.smobrugby.co.uk/blogs/volumeix.pdf ) in which case reporting restrictions would apply. Fortunately this was a home game and not covered by the Freedom of Information Act (amend) pt.IV, subsect 1(2000) so I can report to you that the Ink Spots of Henbury, who finished last season in a solid, if unexciting, 8th in the division with 1924 pins, rocked up to Northwood Park unaware of the cataclysm that awaited them. Only time will tell if mssrs. Tuckett, Pullen, Rawlings A, Siddorn, Squire & Phelps will go down in the annals of Skittling Legend (well, apart from Phelps who is already famous after just 4 months as the worst Chairman we've every had although Siddorn runs him a close second!) but as the quietly confidant, experienced, innocent Ink Spots entered Chalkies clubhouse they must have been chilled when they encountered the tall, calm, athletic, flint eyed Saints waiting for them. . . . . . .

I huddled nervously by my radio receiver (Nokia 6500i slide) deep in enemy territory near Rochefort in The Charente-Maritime for news of the epic contest; the cryptic message arrived '10 down second pair on'. The Captain's [Jon Tuckett, manager of Edwards Garages (Clifton)Ltd, Duckmoor Rd Ashton, MOTs, Servicing, Body Repairs, car collection and delivery and more (special rates for club members) www.edwardsgaragesclifton.com ] plan was working, we had lulled them into a false sense of security. With TWCWEH, Phelps scoring the inevitable Duck, our first, weak pair had softened the 'Spots up. Brimming with over confidence, sure that by playing The Chairman early, Saints had suffered the virgin's torment and peaked prematurely, Tuckett caught them deftly with the sucker punch. Deep in the underbelly of La France the news came through, brief and to the point;
'Saints won by 11[stop] only duck of the night, Phelps'

So, first game in St Mary's can finally boast a teams' winning start to the season - "played one won one"! Can The Saints keep it up? Come and see the Super Six (well five plus one) this Tuesday when they take on Patchway Labour Club's, Allsorts. 8.30pm, Northwood Park (not the Gyppo camp one, - thanks for that South Glos. Council!)

Support Saints on the Road when they travel to darkest Pilning to take on The White Horse 2000, Thursday 7th Oct. The Venga Bus leaves St Mary's 7.45pm

Why not advertise your business like Edwards Garages (Clifton) Ltd on The Saints, skittle reports? Jon has seen a 65% increase in drive up business and 110% increase in telephone enquiries* since this report was published. email clubhouse@smobrugby.co.uk for details.

*Some or all of these statistics may not be true or even accurate. Edwards Garages (Clifton) Ltd & St Mary's RFC (SW) would like to distance themselves from any perceived racism contained in this or future articles. Pete Phelps is, however, the worst Chairman we've ever had so far