TCS A 5 - 0 Bridgwater D

Changes again for TCS this week as a consistent team still eludes the selection panel. This week saw the 2s debut of Joe Haynes in goal as 'thumbprint' Mike took a second week off to move house; despite being fully moved in a week previous. Also missing in action were Steve 'the rock' Grenfell, Jack 'still no P45' Daly, young Dan Green, 'anonymous' Pete Wintrip and the armed forces finally caught up with Conor Neal insisting that if he is going to waste his time off cruising around Taunton in a vibrant green pimp wagon monstrosity he might as well head back to Germany where that sort of thing is appreciated. Fortunately a string of players crawled out of the woodwork to help fill the ranks including Josh Stevenson, 'big' Joe Waddon and slightly less fortunately 'dick of the year' Toron Everett who was dropped from first team action - a spokesman for the selection committee said 'play him up front, he'll end up there anyway' so he started the game at centre back.

Before the game began a lonely, sad and desperate appeal came from the Bridgwater captain for a loan of one of the TCS star players as they had only rustled up 10 of their own. Captain angry looked around the exceptional players at his disposal and decided he could do without Evan for the morning and sent him (wait for it captain angry - this is just for you)... to the dark side. The game began and the course of the morning became evident quickly as TCS dominated the early passages of play. As was the case over the previous few matches, TCS struggled to find the final ball to unlock the defence in the opening 20 minutes but this was shattered when Toron the wanderer found himself in the attacking D and slid the ball to an eager Bill Horner coiled like a silver viper at the back post to tap the ball in with grace and style.

Despite the glorious nature of his goal Bill did however have several more chances through the first half but he was clearly scarred from the previous weeks outrageously good keeping as he made sure the ball stayed away from the keeper... and the goal ... and any real threat. Josh Stevenson made it 2 - 0 shortly after with a well worked goal assisted by Jack Muggleton-Brownton.

More attacking play from TCS towards the end of the half lead to the third goal of the game as the juniors combined with Jack Muggling-Brownton feeding DJ Woody for a rare first half goal to add to his tally (1 yard range as normal). The game got a bit handbaggy in the build up to the TCS third goal as a Bridgwater animal decided to leave his mark with a shoulder barge on the demoted skipper Andy Carter - never one to ignore a possible fracas and with no decision coming from the umpires, Carter decided to indulge in a similar tackle as the ball broke 50-50. With all the grace of an Angry Dan challenge Carter put his shoulder through the same Bridgwater player who had dished it out seconds before and was surprisingly awarded a free hit. With the Bridgy player whining like a little girl with a grazed knee Carter slapped the ball to Jack at the top of the D and the rest was pure Woody gold.

Seconds before half time the ball found it's way to Carter on the back post who found a Bridgwater foot on the line and earned his first stroke of the day. Carter picked and placed the ball on the spot, fortunately Jason Harris was on hand to remind him that he had days earlier bragged about his aptitude with flicks. With his own umpire hoping he would miss Carter struck a poor flick and the keeper made the save look embarrassingly easy. 3 - 0 at half time. Sorry to all those with ideas on the next flick - JJ is next in line.

Captain angry had many quotes lined up for the half time team talk all of which would have made an unnecessary challenge to his fleeting heterosexuality but luckily for everyone in the goal he kept it all about the hockey and made a composed plea for a few more goals before rolling out for the second half with his top scorer on the bench ... just saying...

After 5 minutes of bench warming Carter got bored and reintroduced himself to the right wing and with seconds an expertly timed ball from Josh Stevenson found him at the back post and he tapped in for 4 - 0. More dominance followed as Keeper Joe pondered taking the pads off and having a run up front (the only place keepers are allowed to play when they quit keeping). Carter worked the ball in from the sideline with ease to tee Bill Horner up for a very well struck second goal of the game and 5-0 overall.

The game was done but not before an outrageous lob was attempted by Toron 'what's a centre back?' Everett when an easy pass was on, and a wide open goal was missed by 'big' Joe Waddon (happens to us all fella). Also there was a chance to witness the lesser spotted angry Dan on display as he responded to Toron's advice to pass the ball (glass house, stones... never mind) 'I can't pass with 5 people around me'. Toron was obviously in a playful mood as he pointed out the if he hadn't run directly into the 5 people the game would be made easier ... cheeky Toron.

Man of the match went to Karl Patrick for marshalling the defence well throughout the game ... I assume he made the tea and biscuits and organised the book club while the forwards battered the opposition goal. DOTD went to captain angry for numerous things including trying to get 'big' Joe the jacket, failing to pass the ball and exiting the field of play in what has by some been described as a moment of undisciplined bad temper. Others said he was sulking - I'll let you all judge.

Player performance numbers:

Joe Haynes --------- 9 (did nothing ... wrong)
Karl Patrick --------- 9 (another strong performance from the northerner)
Toron Everett ------ 8 (did very well and played every position on the field without even being asked)
Alex Bartram ------- 7 (doing very well in his opening season - couple of short :D passes)
Jamie Everett ----- 6 (good moments but if you hit a terrible pass and say 'why weren't you there?' you show you are Toron's son).
Captain angry ----- 5 (great formation - woeful passing)
Josh Stevenson --- 8 (assist, goal, perfect passing, can you play next week?)
Jack Mugglebrown - 8 (Some good link-up play and two good assists)
Bill Horner ------------ 7 (two great goals - should have been 6 we think)
Joe Waddon ---------- 7 (improving well this year but just needs an injection of pace and a Bill Horner back post masterclass)
DJ Woody ------------- 9 (Good tunes, well taken goal, good passing play, generally well done)
Andy Carter ----------- 5 (Goal and an assist, but if you flick like an idiot you get no more than half marks)
Evan Tarr -------------- 9 (great performance for the opposition and really impressed this week - worked harder than all others)