Sat 13
Men's 3rd XI
Match Report: Bristol University B v Bridgwater

Match Report: Bristol University B v Bridgwater

By William Stonehewer-Smith
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Final Score: UBMHC 3s 5-2 Bridgwater MoM: Dan Metcalf DoD: Callum House

The following is an attempt to create a proof of a win by the pentadecagon that is Bristol. To help create a suitable proof, the 15 men tasked with this endeavour warm up their grey matter while reflecting on our past 2 completed solutions from the last week. That level of brain power being a must to bring forward to this game. The proof starts as follows:

Bristol start with passes that have a high success rate. This originates from defence with the Tor Theorem finding suitable vectors to use in which to pass forward. Hence, this implies that we attack towards the opposing semi-circle. Due to this polygon having a radius of 14.63 meters, the area of 389.8 meters-squared gives Bristol the space to pass into the area and shoot. Therefore, Bristol have a chance using the Ed Wiltshire Constant who runs to the baseline. From there, a right-angled pass heading across goal to the Archie Paradox is instead bisected by the Callum Axiom who pushes the ball below the x-axis. This negative co-ordinate being the goal means Bristol have 1 goal to Bridgwater’s empty set.

Suppose the opposition rebound after this early goal. This leads them to attack more towards our goal. Whenever an attack is returned this builds energy for them to prevent any goals and instead score them. Thus, some attacks are broken down by clumsy stick tackles which in turn creates larger tempers on both sides of the equation. Both teams can be assumed to be affected equally by this with the calming multiplier Mu (represented by μ) that is the umpires, being too small to divide and reduce the temper of the game. Instead the other team will leave a man free like an anomalous result on a scatter graph and use this to let them lead 2-1 into half time.

Half time is equal to Bristol’s resolve to come back from this game. To calculate this, we will use the matters discussed; passing to each other and even behind if need be (φ or phi), leading into their 25 (lambda or λ) and staying at our level after falling to there’s (sigma or σ). We calculate this using the Sam and Will function where φ times λ plus σ equals α or alpha which would be the return of our A-game (φ x λ + σ = α)

Assume that we return to the form we showed in the first 15 minutes. This leads to good passing forward with the defence providing attacks up the wings. It therefore creates a chance for the Ed-W Constant who finds the optimal angle and hits the ball into the back of the goal.

With a low μ the game continues to hot up leading to more poor tackles and behaviour and eventually green equilateral triangular cards are given out. Two to Bridgwater and one to the Tor Theorem as his function’s trajectory intersected another player’s. After this everyone returns to play. Therefore, due to our continued pressure the Callum Axiom hits a ball, deflecting up off a defender’s stick. Due to the initial velocity, v and angle θ (theta) the ball remains above the goalie and goes into the backboard.

They continue to attack with many of theirs continuing to dribble in a sine wave form. Each attack is reflected hence Bristol continue to attack. A ball flicked across goal is hit in by Proposition Birthday Boy Dan (who would later fail to divide a cake into 16, instead just 12) further supports the fact Bristol would win this game. To complete the proof, we show that Definition Josh does indeed fire a ball into the back of the net and Notation Harry blocks a final short corner from them. For the limit as x tends to 70 minutes, where x is game time, Bristol further cement their victory and come away with the winning set. The pie chart (above) shows this proof.

However, this is a proof that was very scrappy to make and poorly stitched together. However, it propels Bristol from 11th and the relegation zone into a strong 8th. Bristol will continue to use brain power to solve these mathematical nightmares that lie ahead hopefully leading to a cup title in just over a month.

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Match details

Match date

Sat 13, Jan 2018




Central 1

League position

Bristol University B