THIS ITEM CONTAINS THE OFFICIAL TOUR RULES

Hello to you all, please find attached this year’s touring handbook.

For those of you new to the dark arts of rugby touring, these are designed to set some ridiculous rules to keep everyone on their toes, and give everybody a laugh.

If you do not feel that you would like to take part in the rules or fines as handed out, please don’t worry, we won’t hold it against you, but it is a great way of increasing bonding within the group!!

There will be a number of little tasks set whilst on tour to improve team bonding, such as the Great Fact Hunt. All will be revealed on the Saturday morning!!

I would like to point out at this stage that there may well be consumption of alcohol in front of the children. The aim is not to impress the children with drinking prowess or binge drinking itself Hopefully the kids will learn to treat alcohol with a healthy respect in the future. There is no expectation that anybody will have to consume alcohol who does not wish to.

PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHICH YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH.

If you think you can remember all the rules, good luck to you. If not, print yourself a copy and bring it with you.

NO MERCY WILL BE SHOWN!!!

See you on tour!!!

Mme Entertainer

LES RÈGLES DE LA TOURNÉE!!

Bonjour to you all, its time for my alter ego to dust off his helmet, and publish this years touring hand book……..

In honour of General Darren’s sterling efforts in organising the tour and fantastic facial hair, the theme for this year’s tour will be ‘TASH TASTIC’!!

The entertainment committee will be formed by the following officers (THEIR IDENTITIES WILL BE REVEALED AT A LATER DATE!!!…

Mme Entertainer
Responsible for ensuring that the traditions of rugby touring are upheld in line within published rules, and also non published ones!! Responsible for handing out fines for transgressions of the rules. Will delegate their role to a deputy whilst tourists are on the buses.

Chef sneaks
Responsible for highlighting transgressions of the rules to Mme Entertainer. If you witness anybody breaking the rules, please report it to Mme Entertainer, or in his absence a Chef Sneak. Also responsible for ensuring that Mme Entertainer abides by the rules. Are not able to devolve their responsibility!!

Mon Seigneur
In the event of an appeal against breach of rules, a prosecuting and defence counsel will be appointed. Evidence will be presented to Mon Seigneur, who will decide on the guilty verdict and suitable punishment.

Blakeys
Responsible for ensuring their bus leaves on time. Will ensure that all passengers are embarked having shown their bus pass, and complete their register.

Monsieur Tic Toc
Will be in possession at all times of ‘the time’. Timings will be by Monsieur Tic Toc’s impressive clock. Watches will be synchronised to this clock. Monsieur Tic Toc will also oversee the seamless transition to British Summer Time.

Corporal Punishment
Will be responsible for ensuring that standards of dress as required in the rules are adhered to.

Mme Tour
Will ensure that the tour runs like clockwork (see above!!)

Rule 1
Compulsory item;
- ALL tourists (man, woman or child) must be in possession of a tour tash
- Tash depth must be over 3 millimetres long on the Tashometer scale.
- Extended tash growth into beard format will be accepted (in line with the Tashometer test)
- If you are unable to grow a tash, then temporary tashes will be accepted (in line with the Tashometer test).
-Failure to display a tash upon request will render you liable to a fine

Rule 2
Compulsory item;
-All tourists travelling by bus will be issued a bus pass.
-This will allow Mme Tour to be informed that all tourists are embarked and ready for departure.
-The bus pass will be inspected upon entry to the bus by BLAKEY.
-Failing to produce your bus pass at any time, will render you liable to a fine

Rule 3
-Playing tourists and coaches must be in possession of their rugby boots when boarding the bus on Saturday morning.
-These boots must be perfectly clean with no visible mud. They will be subject to rigorous inspection by Corporal Punishment.
-Failing to have clean boots will render you liable to a fine

Rule 4
Compulsory item;
-All tourists must be wearing a rugby shirt on boarding the bus on Saturday.
-Those in possession of a tour shirt must wear it. Kids will be playing in them.
-If you have not purchased a tour shirt, you will be required to wear a rugby shirt of your choice. Inspections will be undertaken by Corporal Punishment.
-Failing to wear a rugby shirt will render you liable to a fine.

Rule 4
-All tourists travelling by car will be issued a car pass.
-This will allow designated drivers to ensure that all their passengers are embarked. The car pass must be available for inspection at any time by the entertainment committee.
-Failing to produce your car pass at any time will render you liable to a fine

Rule 5
-Adult tourists will be individually issued with a Top Trump ‘show card’.
-Members of the entertainment committee may at any time initiate a ‘SHOW’.
-This will be undertaken by them holding their ‘SHOW’ card above their head.
-Being the last tourist to produce your card will render you liable to a fine.
-Allowing another tourist to see the details on your card will also render you liable to a fine (see rule 15)

Rule 6
Compulsory item;
-Saturday night is designated Disco night.
-Adults must dress in appropriate Disco style fancy dress.
-This must be from the 60’s 70’s or early 80’s (up to New Romantic)
-Junior tourists will also be required to dress in fancy dress for the Saturday evening. There is no stipulation to their theme.
-Failing to meet the dress code after inspection by Corporal Punishment will render you liable to a fine

Rule 7
-There will be no deliberate theft of another tourist’s TASH/ SHOW card or BUS pass.
-Being caught stealing will render you liable to a fine

Rule 8
-If a tourist happens to leave a compulsory item unattended, then said item should be secured by the finder, and handed to Mme Entertainer or a Chef Sneak.
-An enquiry can then be held into the abandonment of the property, before it is returned (following the sanction of a fine!!)

Rule 9
-Pointing with a finger is prohibited.
-Pointing will render you liable to a fine

Rule 10
-Cursing is prohibited.
-Cursing will render you liable to a fine

Rule 11
-Members of the tour committee must be referred to by their tour name.
-Failing to do so will render you liable to a fine.

Rule 12
-Any food or drink consumed within the first half of an hour (i.e. 11.01-11.29) must be consumed right handed.
-In the second half of an hour (i.e. 11.31 to 11.59) must be consumed left handed.
-To avoid confusion, at the o’clock (ie 11.00) or half past the hour (ie 11.30) food or drink consumed must be held in both hands. Timings will be taken from Monsieur Tic Toc.
-Eating or drinking with the wrong hand will render you liable to a fine.

Rule 12
-There will be a judicial process in the event of a certain breaches of tour rules, or tourist disagreeing with an identified breach of the rules. This will be in the form of a Kangaroo court, where the offender will be found guilty!
-Following the hearing, there will be a fine

Rule 13
Mme Entertainer or his approved deputies will introduce new rules and games when they see fit!!

Rule 14
-Fines will be handed out by Mme Entertainer or his deputies when buses are in transit.
-Fines for adults will normally require the guilty party to consume a small amount of their chosen liquid refreshment.
-Fines for kids will render them liable for a game of ‘Yum Yum or Yak Yak’. This is a game of sweet roulette. Some of the sweets are nice tasting, some are nasty. There is no way of telling which is which by sight. The only way will be by taste!!

Rule 15
In the event of being last to produce your ‘Show’ card, you will be given the opportunity to stick with the fine given, or gamble. Gambling will allow you to challenge any person who you so chose to a top trump style challenge. If you chose wisely and win the challenge, then your fine will be annulled. However, if you lose the challenge, your fine will be doubled!!

Rule 16
ALWAYS REMEMBER…….
WHAT GOES ON TOUR STAYS ON TOUR!!!!!!