Bobby, sat on the bus wearing BBC jogging bottoms...
Jack: What is the Billionaire Boys Club?
Carps, intervening: 'Surprisingly cheap trousers'
Bobby burned for his threads again.

Randy: ''I need an L shorts y'all, unless you want to see my tip all game.''
Randy, ensuring we all don't get to see a little too much of him during a game.

Alessandro: ''I don't even know what size of underwear I wear, let alone Maz's. My mum always buys my underwear."
Alessandro with another cost-cutting tip.

Jack: ''Burnly is an adverb, 'cos it has 'ly' at the end''
Dom & Martyn: ''No it's not - It's spelt B-U-R-N-L-E-Y''
Jack: "Ah".
Jack auditions for Countdown.

Jack: "I see why Canal+ have called them Crystal Pulis (after Tony Pulis, their manager), but what does 'Pulis' mean in French?"
Everyone else waits, then 5 minutes later...
Jack: "Ahhhhhh; because they're called Crystal Palace!"
Jack well and truly on form

Jack: "So this is the Six Nations, yeah?" (referring to Wales v Italy)
Dom: "Yep."
Jack: "So is this the Quarter Finals?"
Jack rediscovering his quoteability.

"Rhinos don't glide."
WAG Gillian's second foray onto the quote board, in reference to her husband Sam

"I'm not playing it cool, I just am...cool."
Luc Tucker explaining his success with the ladies

Dom: Hey Martyn, can you do that match report, please?
Martyn: Sure, but I still haven’t seen Jack’s goal back yet…
Martyn giving Dom reason to doubt his appointment as VC, whilst raising false hope that a new TV deal will see the FCCC coffers boosted!

Dom: "Jack, have your ticket back, yours is just in my pocket, and you have pockets too".
Dom hands Jack his paper train ticket
Jack: "I didn't realise you could fold it."
Guess who's back? It's paper, Jack!!!!!!

Dom: "I just love Alessandro's voice. If it was the last i heard before I die, I'd be happy."
Steve: "Yeah, he'd be saying 'where's that 50euros you owe me, with his hands aorund your neck."
Steve laying siege to Alessandro's reputation once again.

"That's one thing about her, she's great at riding.'
Another Sean entry, with him telling all and sundry about just how good is beloved Sophie is at..... Cross Polo.

"Which came first the 'check-in' or the 'Hegg'?
Another classic Sean one-liner, offering his own take on Ale and Boun's pronunciation of 'check in' (chicken) and the Hague (or Hegg as it's known in Udine).

"Fuck him."
Every single one of FCCC, on the news Stu had just entered the shower whilst we were waiting to head to lunch in Barca.

"He's like the Churchill nodding dog."
WAG Gillian Zalcman offers a small insight into her life with striker Sam.

"I was so pumped up for the game this morning, I felt sorry for Lynsey."
Dom, giving a unique insight into his pre-match rituals.

Ollie: 'I'll have a pint of 1664, please'
Luc, the barman: 'Are you allowed?'
Ollie, paying the price for his fresh-faced look.

Ceri: 'So you've scored 6 goals in 2 appearances then?'
Ollie (very pleased with himself): 'Yep'
Ceri: 'That's more than me in 6 years, although 1 goal would be more than me in 6 years.'
Ollie: 'I guess you're the Tony Hibbert of FC Corcoran's then....
Ceri gets a new nickname

Dom: "Bye Big Bird"
Tom W: "See you big bird, good to meet you"
Sean: "Cheers Big bird, safe trip"
Jack: "Bye Blue beard".
Jack ensuring his quotability continues on tour.

Chris: "Hi girls, did you have a good night?"
Random girl: "Why don't you just fuck off?"
Welcome to Glasgow, as Chris re-emerges on the Quote board.

"Let me just check if my balls are warm enough''
Bobby performing the all important checks before his Scottish 'prank'.

"Who's this clown?"
A new member of the team's first impression of Tom Williams

"I've had the most sex in France."
Jack, at his modest best.

"I just love it when he let's it flow."
Luc's first foray onto the Quote board - Was he:
a) describing Andy Carrol's luscious locks
b) commenting on an event that took place in the showers
Answers on a postcard.

"It's squidgy, and.....(long pause)... malleable"
Tom Williams describing excrement in his own unique way.

Steve: "So what's the name of the girl you're seeing, Jack?"
Jack: "Ophélie."
Steve (increasingly confused): "So that's not Nathalie?"
Jack: "No, that's Ophélie".
Steve: "So what's the difference?"
Jack: "That's Ophélie, and NOT Nathalie. They're two different people.
Carpenter: "It's great this whole naming system we're using, so as not to get confused, isn't it?"
A rare burn for Big Steve.

"I'm very streaky"
Martyn, once again confirming all the Goalkeeper stereotypes of being one sandwich short of a picnic.

Tom W to Jack: 'So where's Nathalie then?'
Jack to Tom W: 'She's not here, ok?? She's in England, she's on another continent.'
Jack, our Idiot Abroad

Bobby to Jack: 'You have 80s pubes'
Bobby's place as the team's 'Pube expert' secure for another year, then...

Dom: 'Yeah he's a classic Italian defender'
Jack: 'Agreed. Just like Ricardo Carvalho'.
I wish I was making it up....

"Hey Tom, it's Jack. Can I have Seb's number, please?"
Tom replies with the number, then receives this 2 minutes later....
"Hey Seb, it's Jack....."
He doesn't really help himself

"She's so stupid, she belongs to me."
Jack again, revealing what he and the Thistle barmaid have in common, and the ultimate reason they should be together.

"Oh look, a taxi ranch"
Jack, hoping to take his idea for Cowboy Taxis to a Dragon's Den near you.

"I can't believe my wrists are so tiny, the amount of w*nking I do."
An unnamed member of the team who wishes to remain anonymous because of the amount of single ladies who read this page.

"Ask a stupid answer and you get a stupid question...."
Jack, oh Jack, oh Jack. In Tom W's words, you are the gift which keeps on giving.

"Crossbar Andy is a leader of the rings....."
I think you meant a 'ringleader', Jack

"Jack: Steve, in the match report, you wrote "and Tom went BALDLY where no man had gone before", not BOLDLY - and Tom's bald!"
Jack, expertly explaining the joke, thinking no one else had got it....

"Who's that massive Norweigan guy?"
Tall Tom, failing to recognise the club captain of his beloved Fulham!

"Pass to me....It's my birthday"
Boun, with the first ever instance of emotional blackmail during open play - forcing Ceri to pass to him, allowing the birthday boy to score.

"Jon: I took an 18 year old girl on a date last Monday
Jack: Where did you meet her?
Jon: On the train
Jack: Was it on one of those little trains that run through the park??"
Brilliant exchange between two of our newbies.

"It's so satisfying when you finally find the gap..."
Laurence, talking about his bedroom antics or a game of tactical football tennis...

"Allez Doudou!!"
Julie Perrot, providing ample support for husband Vincent on his 2nd appearance for the team.

"Colours, you are RUINING MY EVENING!!!!"
Tom, on our first foray into 4-a-side, condemning his fellow team-mates for letting well-known Goal Machines Andy Pascal, Steve Easton, Laurence Darke and Jamie Savage slot another winner home.

"Ah, I see you want some F*cky-F*cky...."
Dodgy taxi driver in the Hague - Uhhhh...no, actually we're more Drinky-Drinky!

"On your chest Manus!"
Wilhelmus FC kindly lent us a Goalkeeper whose incredibly accurate Goal Kicks put Manus in all sorts of trouble....

"How are 'ya Manus?"
Dom to Manus, whilst washing his balls in an overly vigarous manner, in a see-through shower cubicle planted in the middle of the room. Yes, it was as bizarre as it sounds.

"Marie can you cover your ears please......stuff it Ollie can you move please I need to stretch my balls"
Richie, his vulgar mouth and giant balls.

Quiz-master Shep:- In which country were the 1982 world cup finals held? Seb:- "Just to confirm Is that the country where the finals themselves were played or the actual final?"
Seb, attempting to give Shep a heart-attack.

Alex: "I think it's table tennis"
Stephan: "Why?"
Alex: "We had a bulgarian kid in school, and he was REALLY into badminton."
Alex, demonstrating the mitigating circumstances in which his team-mates found themselves in the Sports Quiz.

"Turn off that shit music, I've got a great CD here"
Richie, whilst waving his Glee OST album.

"Is that Brian...He's got great legs..."
Alex, welcoming newcomer Brian in his own way.

"All height and no depth...."
I'll leave this one for those who were there.

"Please can I have a lift from my house to the pitches and then back after the game....it suuucks dick having to wait for the bus and that, you know?"
No Donato, I don't, I'm afraid. This is Tankards league football, get used to it!

Chris: "Who are Spain playing tonight?"
Steve: "Argentina....."
Chris: "I take its a friendly and not an European qualifer."
Chris, auditioning to be the team's geography expert, has obviously been reading from Alessandros Italian/Japanese map.

"Kenny Miller, he's crap. Get off Miller! See you Kenny."
Shep, around 1 minute before he scored a cracking goal, levelling the scores for Scotland.

"I'm gutted I can't make the party on Friday, i have so many pink clothes i'd have love to have worn."
Richie, ensuring his debut weekend will be remembered.

"I'm not tight thank-you-very-much, I am the master of saving, and this is my Assistant, Lee".
Alessandro - jokes surrounding his tight purse strings will not cease any time soon.

"And we are ever so proud to Welcome back one of our favourite players...(Whispers quietly - What's your name again?)....Dominic!!"
Michel, President of E.H.B., making a grand speech, and then forgetting Dom's name, having played there for a year, and brought 3 teams over to play!

"Guess who beat Adam, Chris, Dom, Lee and Seb at boule....Oh yeah!!!!"
Freddy Baby, retelling the story of his victory to what he thought was his girlfriend...Lee wasn't even playing!

"But I called on Tuesday, and the game was on"
Dom, on the snow-covered pitch we were meant to be playing on...on Friday.

"He doesn't KNOW he's called Angry Pete!"
Alessandro, awaiting an op to have his foot removed from his mouth.

"I've got it...Henrik Larsson!!"
Dom again, in response to the question which SCOTTISH player had played for three European Cup-winning clubs.

"Is there a delay on that TV??"
Stan, glancing at a TV showing Spurs in 1991. Date: 2010.

"Shep, she's a 5/6, I'm an 8, it just isn't going to work."
Chris, on his inability to find an equal love-match. Coincidentally he went home with a 1 that evening!

"You know, You know!!"
Pavol exuberantly responding to Lynsey asking who won the David Haye fight. "Uhhh, no, I don't."

Maturity and Genorosity. That's me.
Stan. Probably should have added Modesty, too.

"I'll probably be back in about 2 weeks"
Laurence Darke, for the past two years.

"Thats funny as I've never ever bought a round before."
Alessandro making an admission that turned out to be a fatal injury to his reputation.

"John Terry is a c*nt"
Ollie, talking about the Chelsea captain. In fact 'John Terry could be substituted for any Chelsea/Spurs or Man Utd player.

"I've mastered the turns."
Stan, an hour into skiing, and three hours before it took him an hour and a half to finish a blue run, stopping halfway for a coffee in frustration.

"Je suis Bruce Willis"
Moles, after being searched by the police after a high speed Velib chase wearing a fake gun and home made police badge, on the way home from the Christmas party.

"I'm taking her on a first date to the circus."
Moles again, unwittingly explaining his struggle with the ladies.

"And another thing about that Jamie Redknapp; he wears the most terrible suits"
Des, not knowing that Chris had gone into a tailor and specifically asked for a Redknapp-style suit.

"I really hate those slow, boring Eastern European national anthems"
John Wallace, during a Rubens Barrichelos GP win

"Why does Bryan not listen to a word that I say?"
John Wallace again surpassing himself...maybe because his name is Alban.

"Hi mate, whats your phone number? I lost my phone after getting disorientated after having sex for the first time in a year and two weeks. Happy New Year!"
John Wallace to around 50 friends on Facebook, thinking he was just sending it to Steve. In fact, the list included several ladies, one of whom was Steve's sister, another being Walter's wife.

"I'm the original Cougar."
45+ year old American lady looking for fun and frolicks in Amsterdam. With husband and daughter in the next carriage.

FC Corcoran's Casuals